Suits VS SuicideGirls

”Another day another dollar it’s about gettin money
Then you can give me a holla, my nose runny
I’ve been out in the cold, hustlin for so long
my hands numb, but bet I feel that paper in my palm

It’s the H-A-V-O, C-dump-and-reload
Knock knock, answer that, I’m blastin through the peephole
Body charges, pay lawyers so we beat those
But get locked and I’m sluttin lady C.O.’s

Y’all like bitches – the chit-chatterin
Stay not likin a nigga but givin dap to him
Hav’ don’t change for no chick, and they adapt to him
Never get cool with you niggaz, I end up clappin ’em

But losin ain’t a option girl
My destination is top of the world, top of the world”

(Select verses by Havoc of Mobb Deep and the chorus from The G Manifesto Certified Classic “Win or Lose”….don’t sleep on the Prodigy verses either)

Insight in to the Suicide Girl:

You have seen her; very fly, sometimes close to beautiful, lots of tattoos, bangs, pigtails, multi-colored hair, piercings on more places than just the ears, horrible taste in music, sassy, nasty, flashy, sometimes far from classy, brazen, and brash etc. These girls can go by many different names and there are many different strains, for example: DeviantAngels, GothDolls, GodsGirls, FlyDolls, MayhemBeautys, LawlessDarlings, MayhemModels, TurmoilTreasures, RazorDolls, RevolutionHoneys, VampireMinxs, SubcultureHoneys, InsaneDames, MoonstruckSugars, DeliriousDreams, DerangedFlames, AlternaPets, and ToxicGoddesses. Many people think these girls are a new phenomenon, but are just the latest incarnation of the Modern free thinking female. You can trace the evolution back to the 90’s Raver/Grunge fusion Girl, to the 80’s Punk Rock Girl, to the 70’s Disco roller skate girl to the 60’s hippy girl to the 50’s Beat Girl and Bobby Sox girl to the 40’s and 30’s Pin-up girl all the way back to the 20’s Flapper Girl. There is something about Flapper Girl hair that gets me every time. I wouldn’t call The G VS Suicide Girls a Super Fight but I would call it an exciting match up worthy of your Pay Per View dough. These girls may seem to be a departure for the usual diet of The G, which consists of Rich daughters, Socialite Girls and Model Chicks. Its really all about diversifying your portfolio. The advantage of these SuicideGirls? They can be mad freaky and hot like a Bar-B-Que on a rendezvous. And in my book, that’s all the reason you need.

Tale of the Tape

The Match up between The G and the Suicide Girl might seem tricky for The G on paper. First of all, these girls listen to crappy Bands (I mean seriously, has there been a good band in the last 15 years besides The Roots, and The Ishlab/RussBoy?) The guys they hang out with (sleeve tattoos, terrible dressers, with terrible haircuts, are members of crappy bands, and generally are losers with horrible style) have nothing in common with The G (a well dressed, dashing, flash, Gentleman, CASH rich hoodlum, and International Playboy on the Rise). Suicides are very “counter-culture” and underground, and very anti-establishment. But then again, so is the G. In fact, The G is way more underground than the guys the SuicideGirl hangs out with will ever be. The G spends half his time in the Underworld and half in the Upperworld. The G is oftentimes the Liaison between the two worlds. But like they say, “Styles Make Fights”. SuicideGirls might think they like Loser guys, your job, as The G, is to prove they don’t (if only for a night). Here Goes.

Setting up the Fight

It doesn’t really matter if its; Canali VS Chaosgirls, Brioni VS Burningangels, Armani VS Anarchyangels, Prada VS PandemoniumBeauties, Etro VS EntanglementAngels, Dolce and Gabbana VS DebaucheryDolls, Burberry VS BerserkBabys, or Etro VS EcstasySirens. You need to set up the match up. The obvious way is to join one of those online communities, and try to swoop using Digital Game. This is a little too new-school for The G, and takes way too much time and effort (Although I’ll be honest, I have considered it). Plus, all that time in front of the computer screen is bad for your eyes. An easy way is to go to Suicide-friendly Bars (careful, you could find yourself Behind Enemy Lines), and After-hours and eclectic, artsy neighborhoods. I have done an unofficial study, and Western states have more Suicides than Eastern States. Seattle is extremely Suicide-friendly, and I am sure Portland is (although I have never been). California is Suicide Turf as well. Hair Salons are Suicide strongholds as are coffee shops (Personally I only go to Salons and coffee shops to swoop Suicides, I get my hair cut at Barbershops and drink Double-Espressos at Italian Trattorias and French Cafes, Bistros, and Brasseries).

Round One: The Approach

This is when you need to use effective aggressiveness. You need to step to Suicides well dressed; Valentino is known to work well (with Gucci loafers, Black Zegna shirt, Black and Grey Armani tie, and Brioni Pocket square, tie optional). Usually they will be taken off-guard that you are stepping to them. Introduce yourself, the good part is these girls usually won’t care if you have a Cigarette hanging from your mouth when you talk to them (for some reason Cigars don’t work as well, unless it’s a Romeo Y Julietta Churchill)

Round Two: Body Attack

This is where you have to establish some sort of Common Ground with the Suicide. Seems like it would be impossible. The best subjects to find something in common are ART, Tattoos (careful, this one is overdone), DJing, and Hip Hop. These girls are really young usually (18-26) and don’t know shit about Hip-Hop. They think Snoop Dog is “old-school”. They don’t know the first thing about DJ Kool Herc, Grandmaster Flash and The Furious Five, The Treachous Three, The Funky Four Plus One, Grandwizard Theodore, Cold Crush Brothers, Afrika Bambaataa, Rock Steady Crew, Cool “Disco” Dan, Crazy Legs or CRASH. They also usually don’t know that Hip-Hop is made of four equal parts: MCing, DJing, B-Boying, and Graf Art. Educate them. For some reason they really like this stuff. Land clean effective punches. Also these girls are more often than not have a predilection for left-wing, Liberal Politics. The ones that are not are retarded. Keep the politics light as a rule of thumb with all girls, you don’t want all the blood to rush to a girls brain, its better to have that blood in other parts of her body.

Round Three: Defense

Usually when you are swooping on the Flyest Suicide Girl in the spot, the Guys they hang out with will try to neutralize you. Flashing CASH will usually put these Guys back on their heels. Or flashing a heater. (side note: Recently I was accused of “brandishing” a Glock 17 in a high-end Gentleman’s Club. To put rumors to rest, I don’t even know what “brandishing” means, and I own a Glock 19 not a Glock 17. Get it straight.) The good news is these guys are really not too tough, I mean, you have to make a bigger commitment to being tough than growing a Goatee and getting Sleeve tattoos. Lets face it, tattoos don’t hurt That much. Some of these guys play in bands, and grew up in the Suburbs, its not like they are veterans of Urban Ethnic Street Wars that where so popular in the late 70’s and 80’s like your humble author. If you have gone up against Serbian War Criminals (negotiation), or Aryan Nation fuckheads (12 gauge Shotty) like myself, you won’t really sweat these guys. Dismiss them. They actually give you a good excuse to take the SuicideGirl somewhere better.

Round Four: Pile up the Points

Take them to a cultural place. Many of these girls didn’t grow up in a family with strong old world roots. They don’t know the first thing about Haute Cuisine. A hot meal goes along way with these girls. And when I say “hot meal” I mean something that wasn’t heated in a microwave. Seafood and Suicides. Take her to a dope spot and maybe order something like Pan Roasted Monkfish; Confit Peppers and Fiery “Patatas Bravas” with a Verjus-Lemon Grass Emulsion and some Talbott Chardonnay Monterey (100 points Wine Spectator). Oysters work well on Suicides as well. Many of them have a problem with red meat. Don’t argue the issue. Just remember, no Seafood on a Monday. If the SuicideGirl is a vegan, you are screwed. You should have qualified her better at the Bar.

Round Five: Ring Generalship

Make it your fight. Impose your will. Like when a boxer is facing a faster opponent, he roughs up his opponent, fouls him, bullies him. Or if you’re facing a stronger opponent, stay outside; use your footwork, quickness. That’s Ring Generalship. Take the Suicide to a place you have on lockdown. Take her to your Turf. Your Base of Operations. Your Domain. Your Dojo.

Round Six: Close the show, KO

Now you need to decide weather or not you want to take the Suicide to her crib or yours. The downside of her crib is that her cat’s hair is going to get all over your Brioni Suit, and she probably has cheap booze. Upside: Play her and her Suicide friend like Betty and Wilma: make their Bedrock. Your Place: top shelf booze, but then she knows where you live. Like Dres of the Black Sheep said, “The Choice is Yours”. A hotel is a better option. No need to go Ritz Carlton. Something Boutique and artsy she will appreciate more. Have fun. The Rest is UP To You………………………………

Side Note: Close these girls quick. They don’t exactly age gracefully like say, Janet Jackson.

Side Note Two: Props to the G’s that pulled off the Laguna Hills Diamond Heist. The Headlines read “Laguna Hills Jewel Heist Was Smooth — but Videotaped”. (I can still remember my first headline like it was yesterday.) It was smooth as mantequilla, but the video could prove damaging down the road. Hopefully, they wore good disguises. That’s why Halloween is a good time for Heists. The other bad part of the heist was they had to go to Orange County to do it. Otherwise, a job well done.

Side Note Three: Be a positive influence to SuicideGirls. Often, they have had rough times. Try to inject some joy into their lives. I do.

Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA Michael the Saint
The Guide to Getting More Out of Life
http://www.thegmanifesto.com

(Want to see something in The G Manifesto? Send suggestions to thegmanifesto@yahoo.com)

Mobb Deep’s “Hell on Earth”

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