Bottle Service: America’s Nightlife Nightmare
Bottle Service: America’s Nightlife Nightmare
Click Here to Download The G Manifesto’s Free Gentleman’s Club Report (pdf)
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I can’t front. There was a time when I liked Bottle Service in Nightclubs. I still remember the first time I experienced Bottle Service. It was about 12 years ago in a very high-end nightclub in Tijuana, Mexico when I was associating with some of the Arellano-Felix crew based out of TJ. The advantages were obvious: beautiful girls came up to your table (in this case upper class fly Mexican girls, which I do have a thing for), you had a place to relax, re-group, and everyone thought you were balling out of control. (For the record, I never did anything illegal with the Arellano-Felix cartel, but I do remember having a Magical Night that night…chicas were sweating me like condensation in a steam room, which was really no different than a night for me without Bottle Service.)
Fast forward to 2007, and Bottle Service has become the standard (and I don’t mean that overrated Andre Balazs hotel in Los Angeles either) for most high-end clubs all across the bubble. It has been popular in Miami and NYC for at least ten years, but my sources tell me it is currently popular in many C-grade cities and they even offer it in many D-grade cities as well. The advantages are still there, primarily, Bottle Service allows a group of Investment Bankers, Hedge fund guys, commercial real estate jerkoffs, or any type of weesh 9 to 5 guys the ability to enter a club with out too much hassle. But there are many problems that Bottle Service brings to nightclubs in general and nightlife in particular. There are also a few more reasons why I am not a big fan of Bottle Service.
Camp Lo, Dj Honda, Disco Tec
The Crowd Bottle Service Brings
In the 2000’s we have seen a corporatization of nightclubs. Now when you go to a nighclub everyone is some kind of corporate jerkoff. Interesting people are no longer found in Nightclubs. The artists, writers, intellectuals, underground DJ’s etc have been effectively priced out of the nightclub with bottle service. The only people that can afford it are the Investment bankers, real estate types, and Celebs (and of course, underworld figures). That is why when you walk into a club you see so many striped shirts that you think you are seeing some kind of 3-D optical illusion. The funny thing is that these are the type of guys who would have never gotten into a club in the old days (nights) when you were picked out because of how you looked, dressed, if you had connections, or by reputation. So today, clubs are full of people that normally would have been standing in line in nights gone by.
Juelz Santana and Lil Wayne, Blow
Too common place
The whole purpose of Bottle Service is that it separates you from the masses. But today, there are clubs with 40 tables of bottle service. All it has done is raised the bar on what is the norm. Every fool with a platinum card can buy exclusivity. What is so exclusive about that?
Wale, I ain’t sprung…lyrics
Stuck it the same spot
I really don’t like Bottle service because I like to be agile when I go out. If a nightclub sucks for whatever reason, I don’t want to be tied down to some table with a three bottle minimum. I like to stick and move (so to speak).
Camp Lo, Lucini
Don’t realize how expensive it is
For me, where CASH is no object, this is a non-issue. But for everyday regular guy out there this can be a major problem. When you get a table at a nightclub, you think “OK, two bottle minimum, bottles start at $200, there are four of us…that’s only $100 each!” Wrong equation. Once you get there you realize that the Smirnov is $200 but the Goose is $350-400 per bottle. You have to get the Goose, or it defeats the whole purpose of getting the table in the first place. Then you have to pay for the overpriced mixers. Then the table of the guys with the professional Athlete next to you has just ordered two bottles of Cristal, and the Girls that were hanging out with you are slowly shimming their way over to their table. So you need to counter attack and get two bottles of Crist to keep pace. Keep in mind at the end of the night you have to tip the Vip Waitress in the corset that brought you everything. And you can’t be cheap now, because all night you have been hitting on her with your “big balling” paper thin game and she gave you her number (you don’t realize yet, skippy, but it was a fake). Pretty soon your $400 night is $2700. Good for the club, bad for the chumpy patron.
Click Here to Download The G Manifesto’s Free Gentleman’s Club Report (pdf)
Click Here 007 Lifestyle – Living Like James Bond!
Divvying up the Bill
This is when things get interesting. Let’s say you rolled in with 5 guys and got a table. Without fail, at least two guys are going to come up real short. Or they can’t be found when its time to settle up the bill.
These weak crews also always have one guy that just brings over other guys to the table. These other guys also probably won’t have a problem ordering 15 Patron shots on your tab as well as doing heavy pours off your Goose bottle. Like clockwork, once some Platinum Diggers, Nightlife Princesses, or Table Hawks finally do make it to your table, the 2nd Goose bottle will run out. That’s when some guy, (usually one who has no cash when the bill comes or says “where is the ATM in the club?” and usually reports back “the ATM is broken, I will get you next week, you know I am good for it”) will order up two more Goose bottles without hesitation. This guy also usually has a tendency to disappear when the bill comes.
Don’t be the card holder
If you do make the mistake of getting Bottle Service, you never want to be the card holder in a Bottle Service situation. This puts the burden of responsibility on you. You Will get stuck at the end of the night. Remember you and your “Fly Crew” can’t pull out 5 credit cards and split the bill up 5 ways…remember the whole goal was to look like you were flush with CASH.
Friendships Broken
More friendships have been broken over Bottle Service. Everyone involved thinks they were “done wrong” by someone in the crew. Angry, acusatory emails usually follow then following Monday: “You and your boy drank off our bottles all night and didn’t even offer any cash”, “Remember you said you would split the bill with us?” “Why do you go out if you don’t have any money?” etc.
Final thoughts
Never get bottle service. But if you do, don’t be the card holder. Don’t get it with a weak crew. Avoid other peoples tables as well, even if you don’t have a single drink off their bottles, they will think you did and try to hit you up for $500 the next week. The only time I will do it is if I am taking some people I care about and just pay CASH for the whole thing.
I can’t help but laugh every time I see a table of Real Estate or Investment guys dressed in striped shirts, gay t-shirts with writing on them, designer jeans, at the end of the night, their bottles nearing empty, no girls, trying in vain to salvage their night with some weird dance moves. But there is no saving them. It’s like when you stab someone in the jugular with a big serrated knife and you twist. The ambulance might be on its way, but it’s too late…you are losing too much blood…you fade out…The Rest is Up to You…
Click Here to Download The G Manifesto’s Free Gentleman’s Club Report (pdf)
Click Here 007 Lifestyle – Living Like James Bond!
Side Note:
Tonight I am going to a nightclub with Bottle Service (a necessary thing for Heist men looking for tips). I am meeting two of my best childhood friends in town who are young up and coming guns with the Mossad. I am paying…CASH.
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Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA Your favorite International Playboy on the Rise’s favorite International Playboy on the Rise
AKA I can’t leave the Streets alone, The Game needs Me
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
http://www.thegmanifesto.com
(Want to see something in The G Manifesto? Send suggestions to thegmanifesto@yahoo.com)
T-Pain featuring Akon, Bartender
19/07/2007 at 9:26 pm Permalink
Thanks for the tips, and the Lucini – I haven’t heard that shit since it dropped.
19/07/2007 at 10:14 pm Permalink
this thing on bottle service is classic. Have you been to the pink elephant and bungalow 8?
19/07/2007 at 11:42 pm Permalink
yeah, been to both pink elephant and bungalow 8. My record? 1-0 with 1 KO in Pink elephant. 4-0 with 4 ko’s in bungalow 8.
26/07/2007 at 7:14 pm Permalink
I cant stand bottle service
31/07/2007 at 7:49 pm Permalink
I BELIEVE IN THE MANIFESTO!!!! bLACKBIRD IS INSANE. Might be the best
restaurant ever eaten at…no exaggeration. Unreal. Ordered almost
everything on the menu… $1010 for 5 people….
Start putting the Manifesto in print…i’m sold!!!!!!!!
05/08/2007 at 1:16 am Permalink
Wow, so funny. It is about time someone took some shots at how lame bottle service is.
07/08/2007 at 8:21 pm Permalink
I love bottle service, it makes it so easy to get into clubs.
09/08/2007 at 6:22 pm Permalink
G-Manifest 0 for 0 all over Minnesota living in his mother’s basement.
22/08/2007 at 5:48 am Permalink
“G-Manifest 0 for 0 all over Minnesota living in his mother’s basement. “
Sorry skippy, never been to minnesota. Where is that place anyway?
22/02/2008 at 7:20 pm Permalink
“Bottle Service”? There is an inverse relationship between what people spend and the class/style they have. Here is a tip. Go to these places, hang out outside of the ropes. When one of the hotties leaves for the bath room get there number and meet them later. This way you get what the high rollers paid for without spending a penny.
Worked for me….
17/09/2008 at 8:52 pm Permalink
Hi
Fucking hard thinking posts
11/10/2008 at 11:23 am Permalink
Crap, i’m going to be one of those suckers fronting the bill tonight
22/11/2008 at 7:17 pm Permalink
Bottle Service Setup & Trays
Your article is amazing, you write very well!
Thanks
-nick
21/12/2008 at 1:59 pm Permalink
Bottle service isn’t a bad thing at all!. Girls make good money, guys can relax and not have to stand the whole night sweating up a storm dancing if they don’t feel like it, girls flock over, and it eliminates the thousand trips to the extremely packed bar! The exclusivity is still there, bc bottles aren’t cheap. Therefore the avrg guy CAN’T get the bottles. Who cares if investment bankers and such are at the club….anyone is entitled to have some fun and go out….I actually have never seen any wall st, blue collar guys in clubs as a matter of fact. But if i did, more power to them!
-Oxy
22/01/2009 at 10:43 am Permalink
thank you for your beutiful and exciting pictuers, i realy enjoyed every bit of your modles,
Thank you. I hope to see more of your update .
22/01/2009 at 10:45 am Permalink
thank you for your beutiful and exciting pictuers, i realy enjoyed every bit of your models,
Thank you. I hope to see more of your update .
20/05/2009 at 3:09 pm Permalink
amazing. The post is exactly what I thought about that stuff. Brazil is suffering from the same plague, but it can atenuated if the tables are not in the same room as the dance floor
in this way the losers in the table are forced to compete in equal conditions in the dance floor.
if you are in a table, go to the dance floor and stay there, returning only to get more booze.
20/05/2009 at 3:12 pm Permalink
the most posh place in Brazil now is a Pink Elephant shit hole, where any loser who has 1000 USD to spend with his friends can jump ahead in line. the pink hell hole is in São Paulo.
in Rio, the culture is different. It is a men’s place. Tables, where they exist, are away from dance floors, eliminating the advantage of tablers.
19/12/2009 at 2:33 pm Permalink
Bottle service is paying the club an exorbitant amount of money to pretend you’re somebody that you’re not. Unless you make 500,000/year. And even then it means that you’re primarily using the appearance of wealth to attract women.
Either way, people that use bottle service are sad, gullible individuals.
06/01/2010 at 3:45 pm Permalink
G Manifesto,
Very cool read. I agree with you in the fact that bottle service definitely seems like a standard not a luxury these days but do you think thats partly because of crowd that nightclubs generally attract? What do you think will replace bottle service as the ballers only section? VIP Bottle service, LOL. Also, bottle service may have to step to the side for a while until this economy bounces back.
Anyways, very cool read. Will be checking back here often.
Thanks
09/09/2010 at 8:35 am Permalink
I have to say the concept of bottle service has changed a lot in the past 10 years. Still, there will always be new patrons who frequent the local nightspots and this gives nightclubs the opportunity to become more creative and innovative in the services they deliver. My company designs a lot of products for bottle service like custom bottle service trays & VIP service trays. I like to believe we are helping these venues by giving them the opportunity to show off their individual style and promote a great service for their customers. It’s all about a having a good time…and I’m pretty sure we have all had a good time spending money on “senseless things” at some point in our life.
23/09/2010 at 5:46 pm Permalink
people who go into dancing clubs with things like “vip” and “bottle service” have to be the most boring,uninteresting people on the planet. no artistic quality,no personality beyond “hey lets dance to r & b”,and smug as hell. im glad that i stick to dive bars and underground music related d.i.y. type things. the whole dancing club full of diva’s and cologne dudes is wack and for people with really low iq’s,like the people on jersey shore
15/10/2010 at 9:07 am Permalink
Oh, men. …Still don’t completely understand the wily nature of us women, huh? Any girl that’s worth spending any sort of time with cannot give a shit less that you have your own table in a club. If a woman is a golddigger: she will notice that you’re spending $400 on a bottle of Grey Goose. She’ll probably even entertain you for about five seconds, in hopes to nab some of your credit cards because at this point she realizes that you’re about as gullible as they come and she really, really wants that Chanel dress in the display window. “Ballers” should do themselves a favor and spend some of that bottle service money on some professional help because you’d have to be socially inept, mentally dry and all around crazy to spend even a dollar on something as silly as bottle service.
13/07/2011 at 8:19 am Permalink
The fact is, that bottle service exists because stupid people exist. Anyone who pays $400.00 for a $50.00 bottle of greygoose is a sad pathetic loser. They get their own table… Wow… Woopeedoo.
Nowadays the only ones getting bottle services are posing douchebags. Wanna be like them? Didn’t think so.
20/02/2012 at 2:23 pm Permalink
Good insight. In my city, the bottle service doesn’t even provide you with any level of atmosphere. Most places have the table 6 feet from the dance floor now to save on space, so you’re still having to brush up on six guys just to go the bathroom. They usually only put one waitress in charge of six or seven tables, so it’s more like ordering in an overly obnoxious restaurant, and they also have girls walking around to the tables with shot glasses, flirting it up, and then charging 7.00 a shot on top of your bottle tab. The mixers they give out are usually flat, and most places here give you solo cups now. Are you kidding me? This on top of what G mentions with flaky crew members and ridiculous markups. To add insult to injury, I live in a city where no matter how much you pay for a table, you still have to go 25 feet from the front door outside to smoke. No thanks.