The G Manifesto

Sarah Palin, The Real America

It is unbelievable that attacks on the big city and the coasts are en vogue in this day and age. As if, small towns are more “American” than big cities. Hell, I am surprised people even admit they are from small towns. Being a Big City Playboy all my life, I would almost take offense to this non-sense if it wasn’t coming from such narrow minded people.

Sarah Palin recently busted off this idiotic statement lately:

“We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. We believe” — here the audience interrupted Palin with applause and cheers — “We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation.

This is where we find the kindness and the goodness and the courage of everyday Americans. Those who are running our factories and teaching our kids and growing our food and are fighting our wars for us. Those who are protecting us in uniform. Those who are protecting the virtues of freedom.”

Palin: “Best of America is in the Small Towns-little pockets of what I call the Real America

In the effort of balance, I am going to take the other side on this.

I have driven cross country a few times (I was a young proto-type G in my “transport” days) and seen many small towns. To be completely honest, these “these wonderful little pockets” are real shitholes. I remember I thought it was going to be all “On the Road” like my man Jack Kerouac and great seeing small town America. Well, it wasn’t. (Although, peeling girls in these spots is easier than beating your little cousin at five card stud with a loaded deck.)

Small town America is all about chain restaurants, gas stations, poor dentistry, racism, broke people, provincial attitudes, bad clothes, country sounding accents, words that don’t make sense, endless churches, Meth Labs, and Wal-Mart. And those are the positives. Small town America is where girls grow up, turn 18 and move to LA to get into porn.

Some of these places you can’t even get a drink. Seriously, there are DRY counties. No wonder people do so much Meth.

I mean, hell, Olive Garden is the best Italian Restaurant in these towns.

Really, the only thing they are good for is finding someone in the witness protection plan if your a hitter.

Soon after, Moronic McCain advisor Nancy Pfotenhauer said:

“I certainly agree that Northern Virginia has gone more Democratic. … But the rest of the state — real Virginia if you will — I think will be very responsive to Senator McCain’s message.

Real Virginia, I take to be, this part of the state that’s more Southern in nature, if you will.”I have always thought of Northern Virginia as a Dump. Strip malls, sheep-like mentality, pleated pants and parkways full of traffic. If it wasn’t for Northern Virginia, there wouldn’t be lines outside of nightclubs in DC. But the rest of the state is pure hell. Not like I have ever been, really. But I can only imagine. (The place where NERD, Pernell “Sweet Pea” Whitaker, and AI must be kind of dope though).

It’s pretty funny since these Republican lovers of “Small Towns” hate France. Now that is a place with good small towns.

Give me a beach town in the French Basque country, wine, great food, and beautiful topless girls any summer day. Now that’s a good small town.

I guess I like “Small towns” too.

The Rest is Up to You…

Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA Your favorite International Playboy on the Rise’s favorite International Playboy on the Rise
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
http://www.thegmanifesto.com

Public Enemy – Harder Than You Think