This is typically beneath the type of subject matter handled on The G Manifesto (actually, who are we kidding?), but a number of people sent it to me so I figured I should post it:
The LAPD is currently looking for douchemeister extraordinaire Joe Francis after he allegedly Chris Brown-ed Brody Jenner’s girlfriend Jayde Nicole. If that didn’t make your vagina squeaky clean, it gets better (or worse, depending on how you look at it).
It all started at Guys and Dolls nightclub early this morning in Los Angeles. Brody told TMZ that Jayde witnessed Joe trying to put the moves one of his ex-girlfriends. For some reason, Jayde didn’t like this, so she threw her drink on Joe. You know how you’re not supposed to give a Gremlin water? Well, you’re not supposed to throw booze on a douchebag, because it strengthens their douchiness.
After Jayde wasted a perfectly good DRANK on Joe, he grabbed her by the hair, punched her in the face, threw her to the ground and started kicking at her. Security threw a little menstrual fluid on Joe which caused him to run out of the club. Brody immediately followed Joe outside and busted him in the face. Brody was then tasered by someone and Joe managed to get away.
The police are currently looking for Joe. Jayde says she will press charges against Joe.
And the video is where? I mean, Joe getting fisted in his fugly mug and Brody getting tasered in his ass?! We finally know the true reason why they were both put on this earth! It was so all of us could witness their asses getting socked and shocked! Git that video! Everyone’s happiness depends on it.
By the way, this entire fight was sponsored by Ed Hardy.
I have always hated this Joe Francis nonce. I used to like Bruce Jenner as a little baby G, but these days he looks like a tranny and acts like a beta.
But the good news is, it looks like the douchebags are turning on each other.
Now, all we need is The Douchebags to turn on The Wimpsters, and vice versa.
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
http://www.thegmanifesto.com
Another Manhattan summer is upon us. But I don’t dip for the Hamps.
There’s something about the concrete jungle that keeps me comfortable.
Red ribbon players give off a doubtful vibe. No worries. I know the competition is tapioca.
Been a busy summer at the High Line, thus far. I’m posted, naturally. Swagger drippin. Gettin that brie. Curb servin like American History X. Carryin the 8 like Jon and Kate. Sockless. Purple Label because Ralph’s a friend. Rubber band money clip keepin me grounded. My equity givin haters heartburn. And no, these aren’t Tums I’m bundlin. Brushing up on RICO precedent. The pre-paid cell keep the Feds panties in a bunch. Startac. I’m so retro. Shielding risk like a fideicomiso. Look it up. My LLC’s LLC’s got LLCs. They’ll send your lawyer back to undergrad. His public school undergrad.
(Here is my Facebook, New Twitter and The G Manifesto Facebook Page)
Ahhh…NYC summers. Humiliating wannabes who “heard Shake Shack burgers are sweet”, and “have boys who can get us into TenJune”. Meanwhile, I “have boys who know your PIN number”, and I “break bread with U.N. security personnel”. Twisting up lavender fauna on the hour. Puffin those Barney farts. I maneuver best when I’m over levered. Like Linens N’ Things. Summertime, so I keep things in the linen. Pulling fire alarms at Soho House. Bending flat brims on hipsters’ 90’s Starter caps. Bet they can’t name one Charlotte Hornet. Morimoto is a hack. Lunching down the block at Son Cubano with a third-stringer
that’ll make your Dad leave your Mom. And then tell her “keep the kids”.
Enjoy the sharehouse, Neil. I’m at the Core Club. Ask for me.
Fly,
King Jaffe
Don’t be weesh. Sign up The G Manifesto Newsletter!
Recently, however, I flipped the script. After having more than 50 girls tell me to watch Vicky Cristina Barcelona, I peeped it.
Having lived in Barcelona as a younger prototype G and visited many times since, it was a real pleasure to see the beautiful Catalunyan scenery in the movie.
The one part of the movie that kind of pissed me off was how it threw up on the silver screen for all to see how you swoop two girls at once AKA pulling a “Vicky Cristina”.
I have been using this tactic for years, in fact, I have been almost gotten beyond it. Hell, I even wrote the definitive piece on How to Pick up Three Girls at Once AKA The Trio a while back.
None of this takes away from the fact that Pulling a Vicky Cristina can be a very effective/innovative move for the upwardly mobile International Playboy on The Rise. At least, it will help cut through the boredom in American Nightlife and the ennui associated with American Girls.
Paco de Lucia – Entre dos Aguas
Here is how it is done:
Find the Right Venue
Well, the “wrong” venues, thankfully, are wack spots, sports bars, low end clubs etc. Places you shouldn’t be hanging out at anyways. If you see Ed Hardy shirts and Plastic Tiaras, you are in the wrong place.
Other signs to look for: People that look like they hang out at Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas, Beenies, tribal tattoos, and girls yelling “Wooo! Girls Night Out! I love my girls!” and other earsplitting phrases. (Seriously, if I hear this type of crap one more time, I am liable to go bonkers, smoke some Sherm Stick, go on a West Coast “Who Ride” and end up wanted for a homicide.)
Conversely, the “right” venues are high-end lounges, Gentleman’s Clubs (of course, this doesn’t really apply to this Chamber of the Manifesto, although technically a great location to pull a Vicky Cristina), Model Girl Bars, sensual restaurants were the Chef does all kinds of sexy things with food, lobby bars of Fly hotels, The French Riviera, South Beach, and of course, Catalunya.
If the drinks are expensive, drugs are being consumed at a rapid pace and the girls look like something you would see on the cover of a Spanish fashion magazine, you are in the right place, Oh my brothers.
Other signs to look for: Titled Royals, Girls dripping with diamonds on their décolletage, a blow dealer you knew from way back, daughters of Industrialist families, etc.
Find The Right Girls
Again thankfully, like many advanced tactics in The World of Game, Pulling a Vicky Cristina actually works better with flyer girls. And richer girls. And smarter girls. And surprisingly, girls with good breeding. Girls traveling. Model girls. Arriviste American Girls. Run of the mill average to decent looking American girls are not good prospects. They like feminine guys, hipsters, Wimpsters, beta males, regular guy and Chrisitan Audiger wearing Buffons. Leave the wack girls for them.
Furthermore, pulling a Vicky Cristina on regular attractive American Girls, is a respectable result but pulling a “VC” on two high-society fly girls is agnate to winning Roland Garros. Or at least a satellite in Dusseldorf.
(Pulling a Vicky Cristina on two fly Exotic Dancers is a good way to pass the time, but let’s face it, who hasn’t done that literally hundreds of times by now?)
Dress Fly
This is an essential. Pulling a Vicky Cristina without dressing sharp is like Rumba without a Trumpet. Or a Parranda without booze and Chicas de la Noche.
If you know me by now, then you know I am predisposed toward Custom suits. Maybe something bespoke and “off-Row” by Douglas Hayward’s Shoppe (95 Mount Street) or Brian Staples’ Shoppe (26 Kingly Street). But with summer already here (The Kentucky Derby marks the start of summer on The G Manifesto Calendar) Resort Style is what I have been flowing with recently.
Think bold shirts, Crimsons, Lavenders, Custom Guayaberas, Irish Linen pants, Gucci Loafers, things like that. Walther P38. Pockets on Green like yellow and blue. Ties looking like a mural. Pocket squares: spiritual, like a ritual.
You want to catch Vicky Cristina prospects eye before approaching. The Art of War. Win every battle before it is fought.
Confidence
You need to come with Extreme confidence when pulling a Vicky Cristina. Fly girls these day are swarmed by all sorts of gigolos, cads, vulgarians, scoundrels, rouges and bounders.
Any hint of weakness in your Game and girls will attack like a lioness smelling sangre on the Shamwari Game Reserve.
For me this isn’t a quandary. Pulling Vicky Cristinas begets more Vicky Cristinas. Top tier Lotharios have verbals hitting hard like Edwin “El Chapo” Rosario. Charmant.
And always be aware of the dark forces that lie hidden beneath the surface, the ones that some people call superstitions: howling banshees, black cats, witches, hats on beds, dogs, The Evil Eye.
giulia y los tellarini- La Ley Del Retiro
Be Latin
You can’t really control this, but if you have Latin blood, you will pull more Vicky Cristina’s then people without Latin Blood. I have done an unofficial case study on this. This is also why whenever you see a smooth cat swooping two girls cold out of at bar, 9 times out of 10 he is some sort of Latin cat. Don’t blame me, this has been going on since the 20’s. Sure there are historically top tier Playboys from other spots, most notably Gunter Sachs and the Guinness kids. If you don’t have Latin blood, maybe try using a fake foreign accent. (Picking up Girls with fake foreign accents will be covered in a future G Manifesto).
Play off both Girls Common Pick up Theory suggests, when picking up a girl in a two set, you open, neg the target, and gain trust and rapport with the other girl, build rapport and attraction etc. etc. etc.
When pulling a Vicky Cristina, you need to Raise Sexual Tension with Both Girls and neg both girls constantly. Whenever you get rebuffed, simply be calm and act like there is nothing out of the ordinary with your proposal of untamed passion, pleasure, bliss and heaven. Re-frame. And use the right line of Palaver. Remember, there is no Eye like innderstanding.
Keep the Vino Flowing Vino is the official drink of pulling off a Vicky Cristina. Top Shelf Vodka Sodas work as well, as does the occasional shot. But pound for pound, round for round, Vino is the Heavyweight Champ of Mood Setters.
E-Tabs are known to work as well. But that’s neither Lucite heels nor dollar bill peels. And spark up cigarettes for style points. Or light up the cigar and let the aroma reach up. It’s like the smile on the Mona Lisa or like a falcon flying over Giza.
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
http://www.thegmanifesto.com
In San Diego, getting ready for The Del Mar Racetrack to begin (6 days 19:10:06 till first post fyi), I recently went to Jaynes Gastropub. (The owners are a class act, fyi).
Had the pan con tomate, with Jamon Serrano, crab cake and Gambas Al Aljillo. All insane.
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
http://www.thegmanifesto.com
Cheetahs Club & Restaurant
So what if it offers nyotaimori (all-you-can-eat sushi served on a naked woman) in its private Kabuki room? Cheetahs is a real strip club through and through. Think iced urinals and doormen who resemble characters from Boogie Nights—and not ironically, either. The girls here are a tad more desperate than at other clubs (expect to be invited to their weekend DJ gigs) but not pushy, and they don’t mind putting their hands near your crotch during a lap dance. 252 W 43rd St between Seventh and Eighth Aves (212-819-9300, cheetahnyc.com)
Flashdancers
This basement-level space fills up on Friday and Saturday nights, but by day it’s still a popular destination for tourists, businessmen and the odd celeb. Its taxi-top ads, pamphleteers and proximity to Times Square ensure regular foot traffic—including a dozen or so girls looking for jobs each night. The high worker turnover makes for a roomful of the city’s most beautiful transients (with Eastern Europe and South America well represented); a lap dance here is like getting up close with a Renaissance-period statue—a bit cold; and a bit awe-inspiring, if a bit boring for its lack of imperfection and personality. 1674 Broadway between 52nd and 53rd Sts (212-315-5107, flashdancersnyc.com)
Don’t be weesh. Sign up The G Manifesto Newsletter!
Head Quarters
The slimmer pickings of this loungey club’s “boutique” staff—35 girls on an average night, 75 at most when busy—aren’t a plus for the variety-is-the-spice-of-life type. But HQ’s hospitable staff has a genuine appreciation for repeat customers, making birthday phone calls, doling out promotional freebies like baseball tickets and discounting dinner packages at the upstairs restaurant. Moreover, this is where you go to find women who might not fit into a typical club’s ideals—e.g., between the ages of 30 and 35. On a weeknight, you’ll likely spend more time chatting with the pretty Hungarian after you’ve paid for the lapdance than before—a pleasant bonus if you’re into that “talking” stuff. 552 W 38th St between Tenth and Eleventh Aves (212-967-4646, hqnewyork.com)
Lace
Despite its frilly name, this location of Lace is a no-frills establishment: It’s roughly the size of some other clubs’ bathrooms, and there isn’t even a bar to drink at—just a handful of seats on the cabaret floor and one lonely stripper pole. Of course, what it lacks in flash and velvet it makes up for in intimacy: Don’t be surprised if you catch a nipple in your mouth during a lap dance—the girls here are mighty forward. 689 Eighth Ave at 43rd St (212-765-5047, laceclubs.com)
Penthouse Executive Club
For all the raunch the Penthouse name connotes, this club is remarkably refined—classy is not an ironic description. Catering to well-padded expense accounts (charges show as “Robert’s Steakhouse”) and bonus-laden financial types, the Executive Club crams 19 private rooms—spaces range in size from coffin to a Hell’s Kitchen 3BR, with price tags from $150 to $1,000 an hour—into a deceptively cozy 2.5-level arena. A small stage sits dead center, with two single-occupancy go-go platforms accommodating additional pole dancers upstairs. Lured by VIP expenditures and repeat customers, the city’s most sought-after entertainers perform here—as many as 80 on a weeknight. The net is a bevy of attractive pros—sexy, flirty and experienced veterans of the New York–Las Vegas–Miami megaclub scenes—savvy at parting men from their paychecks. Still, a Jackson is all anyone needs to enjoy a well-practiced caress from a perfectly made-up seductress. 603 W 45th St between Eleventh Ave and West Side Hwy (212-245-0002, penthouseexecutiveclub.com)
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
http://www.thegmanifesto.com
