Top Ten Reasons Why This Was The Worst Decade Ever
Top Ten Reasons Why This Was The Worst Decade Ever
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“It’s funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you viddy them on the screen.” – Alex
First off, what do we even call this decade? The zeros? The Aughts? The New Millennium? Secondly, this decade had a terrible start. Most people forget that we had two Wall Street Crashes during this decade. The NASDAQ hit an all-time high of 5049 on March 10, 2000. Peep it today.
Then we got wacked by 9/11.
This was followed by a retarded war in Afghanistan, a farce in Iraq, Enron, a stupid hick in The White House, WorldCom, Anthrax, and DC snipers, the Terminator getting elected, Hurricane Katrina, Asian Tsunami of 2004, median household income dropping, obesity skyrocketing, police state, more terrorist attacks, school shootings, Detroit, and another financial crash.
Weesh.
These are all pretty bad, but here are the Top 10 Reasons why this was the worst Decade ever:
Hip-Hop
Hip-Hop had its worst decade yet. The cats putting out the best music this decade were the same cats from the 90’s. Jay, Nas, Wu, Mobb Deep, AZ, Eminem, etc. Is there any doubt that Biggie and Tupac would have been the biggest stars out there today if they didn’t pass?
Boxing
Boxing was afflicted (and I don’t mean those gay Affliction Shirts either) with the same disease as Hip-Hop: a rehashing of 90’s stars. De La, Trinidad, Vargas, Sugar Shane, Bernard, Arturo Gatti, Roy Jones etc. Where are the 80’s babies? The only two fighters that made huge trax in the New Millennium that didn’t in the 90’s were Manny Pacquiao and Money Mayweather (both 70’s babies).
We can all look forward to them fighting in 2010.
Hurricane Katrina
I could think of many better cities for a “natural disaster” to ruin than New Orleans. LA perhaps? Orange County, maybe?
We really don’t have that many great cities in America. Why did Katrina have to wreck one with great Gentleman’s Club’s, smoking in bars, 24 drinking and Crab Maison, Shrimp Maison, Shrimp Remoulade?
9/11
9/11 sucked for many reasons. But one of the main reasons it sucked was it turned plane travel into a major pain like Damon Wayans. And it was low down dirty even, like his brother Keenan, Scheming.
This really affects the International Playboy and anyone who likes to swoop mad fly girls all across the bubble.
George Bush
I still can’t believe we elected this hick twice.
Then I look at a map of our country and I understand.
Bruce Jenner
No one has captured the essence of this decade better than Bruce Jenner.
When I was born, there wasn’t a baby G in the land that didn’t think Bruce Jenner was cool. He was like a pseudo super hero. Sure, I liked Roberto Duran, Marvelous Marvin Hagler and Jim McMahon way more, but Jenner was smooth. Just recently, on a hungover day, I caught the cat on TV. I was shocked.
He is now a plastic surgery, tranny looking, beta male. Went from first to worst. Kind of like America.
No smoking
The “no smoking” movement really caught speed during this decade. Thousands of years of tradition of smoking, drinking and swooping fly girls flushed down the toilet.
And the craziest thing is the only one who seems to care is your humble author.
Another direct attack on The International Playboy lifestyle.
Bottle service
Along with “no smoking” laws, Bottle service has all but ruined Nightlife. Read here: Bottle Service: America’s Nightlife Nightmare
Reality TV
I don’t really care about television, but you have to see these annoying people when you roll out at night. Just like school on a holiday. Whatever happened to shows like All in The Family? And people with style and taste?
Men’s Style
Where do I even start on this one? Trucker hats, shiny shirts, multicolored striped shirts, designer jeans, rhinestones, Affliction, Ed Hardy, Christian Audiger, tight jeans, glitter?
Can it really be called “Men’s Style” anymore?
Give me a Custom Suit and a Zippo.
And a heron spike to ease the pain.
Technology
The incredible efficiency of Web-based communication and our Google-fueled appetite to know everything about everything (or everyone) right now are combining to make Tiger Woods the canary in the privacy coal mine. Expect personal privacy — or rather its continued erosion — to be a hot media topic of 2010.
If I see another person “twittering” on their IPhone at a bar or trying to film, I am going to slap it out of their hand. And shove a rocks glass in their mouth. Word life.
All in all, what we did this decade is change Main Street for Wall Street, Mom and Pop for Wallmart, and small farms for Factory Farms.
To the ruin of us all.
Keep the toaster in the shoulder holster; things are going to get interesting.
America is in a bad need of a rebirth, a renewal, and a rediscovery.
(And by “bad need”, I mean like a person who has been hit over the head with a Louisville Slugger is in bad need of a band-aid, some ice and a nice lie down.)
An American Renaissance (if you will) will be the only thing that will save us.
(Or you can just split. I am posting this poolside from the Caribbean).
The Rest is Up to You…
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
http://www.thegmanifesto.com
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