The G Manifesto

How to Swoop Fly Girls on Airplanes

I arrive very early in the morning at Lindbergh Field waiting to bust out a SAN to MCI to FLL combo punch and stay in Fort Lauderdale with one of my friends that runs a hedge fund before continuing on to Bogota.

The airport is way more crowded than normal; lines snaking every which way, people unable to handle their luggage, fat poorly dressed Americans not knowing which way is up etc.

I quickly deduce which is my correct line and chill for the long wait ahead. Suddenly, a super fly girl gets in line behind me.

I am feeling great, like your idol, the highest title, numero uno. I’m not a Puerto Rican but my Game hits hard like Cotto.

So I don’t hesitate, “Is this the line for Southwest?”, I ask.

She responds, “Yeah, I think so.”, with a pretty big smile for early morning in an airport. Could be my brutally handsome good looks. Could be the Custom Suit. Not really sure, nor do I care.

It’s on. I give a decent pause, so I don’t seem too anxious.

“You flying to Fort Lauderdale?”, I ask.

“No” she replies, “I am going home to Kansas City.”

I contemplate saying I drove through there once during my “transport” days but decide against and instead say, “Cool. We are on the same flight. I am going to Fort Lauderdale after.”

“Are you staying in Fort Lauderdale?”

“For a few days, then I am going to Bogota, Colombia.” (I say this with a young-dashing-handsome-mysterious-false grinning-soft spoken-with a wild side-well dressed-millionaire-smuggler type vibe for maximum effect).

“Really, that is so cool. I have never been before. Have you?”

The hook is set.

We continue on in the line and the conversation moves on at a relatively rapid pace, especially considering its mad early in the morning. She hangs on my every word. And she is mad cool. And mad fly. And a sweetheart. I am impressed. Especially since she is an American girl (with some kind of exotic mix I can’t quite put my finger on yet, kind of a mix of Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes, and Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas with a little Tionne “T-Boz” Watkins thrown in) and from Kansas City no less.

(Note to self: maybe I have been making a mistake by dissing the American Heartland all these years and should check it out. Then again, maybe not.)

I then do a double take as we go past the TSA security monkeys when she takes off her coat, reveals a body that was made for only one thing. Or maybe a few things.

We finally get to our gate. It’s mad crowded.

“We should sit next to each other and continue this conversation.” I say.

“Sure. If we can.” She responds with a smile.

We grab a seat in the back, which is kind of lucky since the plane is pretty full. I toss her luggage in the overhead like a gentleman, let her sit by the window, and I wisely take the middle seat. This is smooth for two reasons. 1) I can let her see out the window, and I can point out a bunch of sites. 2) I effectively “box out” any chatter box that my join us in our aisle and throw salt in my Game.

Now let me take a step back for a moment.

It is kind of a running joke with my friends and I about how Unlucky I am on the random seating arrangement tip on Plane Flights. Since I have been counting, it has been almost 45 straight flights where I haven’t sat next to a swoopable girl. And that is since I started counting. Hell, I have friends that always get sat (randomly) next to fly girls. Not me. And this has really put a damper on my Plane Swoop Numbers. Trains, are another story completely. I chainsaw it on trains since most of the time there are no assigned seats. (Full Data Sheet on how to swoop fly girls on trains coming soon). However, this flight was Southwest, so I was able to take advantage of their “no assigned seats” policy.

We take off and I point out beaches and other visuals of note. We get to know each other more.

When I ask her what are her favorite things to do, she responds “Well, I would say, Dancing, Sewing, Cooking and playing Piano”.

Are you serious? That answer from a young modern day American Girl?

If I didn’t have so many goddamn options with fly girls in my life, I may have fallen in love right there.

I move closer to point out some clouds, our lips touch and…

Smooth. I finally broke my losing streak.

You can figure out how this ends up.

Side note I: I have a way for the Airlines to get themselves out of their precarious financial situation they find themselves in: Sell seats to International Playboys next to fly girls for a premium.

Hell, I would drop heavy scratch if they would sit me next to fly girls on each flight.

To the airline industry: Yes, I do accept thank you cards.

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The Rest is Up to You…

Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life

http://www.thegmanifesto.com

213 – So Fly