The First Two Things I Do When I Get To A New City
Whenever I arrive in a new city to chop up and swoop fly girls, I do two things first:
1. Lockdown A Bartender
When I first arrive in a new city, I like to set up a Base of Operations. And what better place for a Base, than a bar. Or even better, a restaurant bar.
I always lockdown a bartender first. This way, I know I can set up shop and get my drinks quick. I can gather some intel on the city as well. Grease well.
2. Lockdown a Driver
The second thing I will do is Lockdown a driver. Limo, town car or cab.
This way, I don’t have to mess around with directions, parking, DUI’s etc.
36 Things You Didn’t Know About Michael Porfirio Mason
Here are The 36 Chambers you never knew about Michael Porfirio Mason:
1. I haven’t owned or wore a pair of jeans in ten years. If I was going to hang sheet rock for an afternoon, maybe I would. But I haven’t hung sheet rock in a while.
2. I have never owned an Iphone, Ipod, an Ipad, or any Apple products for that matter.
4. I have never seen a 3D movie (save the old school ones as a kid, think those horror ones). I have never seen Avatar. I can’t handle looking at Blue people for three hours.
5. I have never seen that Leonardo Depricio, movie The Titanic. In fact, I make an effort to not consume popular culture. I consider this one of my “keys to success”.
6. I know how to work on cars. Although these days I rarely drive. I realized a few years ago that every time I was arrested, jailed or caught in the rookers of the milicents; it was “vehicular related” in some way. That being said, I still will slide a Cadillac to The Del Mar Racetrack in summertime though to reclaim my #1 Spot. Turf Club Parking. What’s up?
7. I know my way around a construction site, and worked construction for two years and multiple summers as a young pup. I can hang sheetrock, run copper and PVC, do carpentry and I am an artist with a jackhammer, skilsaw and a chainsaw. I never really learned electric but can bust out some.
8. I have driven Cross country 3 times in my life. It was 3 times too many. This was back in my “transport” days. I thought it was going to be all “On The Road” style like my man Jack Kerouac. It wasn’t. America is a hell hole of strip malls, fat people, track housing and chain restaurants. The only redeeming parts of Middle America are Las Vegas, New Orleans and Chicago.
9. At one point, I had close to $100,000 in credit card debt. And over $300,000 in debt to the kind of people that don’t exactly send you “past due” notices in the mail. All my accounts are clear now. Maybe one day I will write about how I got out of that situation.
10. I have never claimed to be a great writer. In fact, when I first started writing The G Manifesto, I could barely write. I never paid much attention in school. I mean yeah, I went to school. All the way through school, right in the front door and out the back. Read the earlier “Manifestos”. They are almost un-readable (interestingly, enough, it was back then when I was getting the most attention from the publishing world and Hollywood).
11. I have surfed many parts of the bubble. In fact, traveling, swooping and surfing was what my life was about in my younger years. You would be hard pressed to find someone that knows Las Playas de Norte Baja better than your humble author. Hell, I could write two “Manifestos” on the beaches of Northern Baja alone. But you know what? I never will. People just don’t talk about that place. Myself included.
12. I sometimes get para. But like Chopper Read once said, “Just because I am paranoid doesn’t mean people aren’t trying to kill me”.
13. I once stayed up for 4 nights straight in New Orleans solely on a diet of Gulf Oysters, Creole food and Swooping fly New Orleans girls. No drugs. No joke. I was hallucinating and almost in tears. To the best of my knowledge this is a world record (one of two “un-official” World Records I think I hold). I may tell this whole story down the road.
14. I have a couple of dope screenplays I want to write. One of course, would be my life story. The younger years and the come up. The only problem is there is no actor dope enough in Hollywood to play me. The second screen play is about my Grandfather and his boxing gym in Northern Ireland. It is kind of “Michael Collins” meets “Hoosiers”. Both would be two of the dopest movies Hollywood has ever put out. Maybe I will write them once I learn how to actually write a screenplay. Anyone know how to do that sh*t?
15. I find the whirl and clicking of a money counter to be one of the most mellifluous sounds in the world. I am not joking. I really do. I have said it before, and I will say it again, “I am interested in money so one day I won’t have to be interested in money.” Can ya dig it?
16. I have a split personality. And each of my personalities is Bipolar, with an identity crisis. So, like, you know, it can get pretty Maddening being Michael Porfirio Mason. Like J.J. Connnolly has said, “Madness is the darkness in your head, the restless one percent that wants to push strangers under trains. Madness is paranoia made normal. Madness is when the mundane is insane, the insane mundane. Madness is thinking you can predict the future, while sitting in a jailhouse, doing birdlime. Madness is fun for a little while, then gets dark…then darker still. Madness is not to be believed…but is so fuckin convincing.”
17. There are a lot of other things I am sure I could do in my life that would make me rich and famous. However, I don’t want to sacrifice this whole “International Playboy” thing I got going on. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation. It is way too priceless. After all, International Playboys are really at the top of the food chain when you think about it.
18. I have extreme ADD, as witnessed by the frenetic jumping around of topics on The G Manifesto. My ADD seems to be getting worse with age. I actually consider it a strength, although it is enough to drive most men insane.
19. Recently, I have come to terms that I am going to be an International Playboy/ Gentleman of Leisure for life. It is not a choice. It is a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. I have no say in the matter. My life was predicted by a Gypsy. It was written and so it shall be.
20. I hate cell phones. If everyone agreed to turn them in tomorrow and stop using them, I would be first in line. I like pay phones.
21. I like flowers. I really do. One day I may open a flower shop when I am older. However, I am doing it “Dion O’Banion Style”. Although, lately, I am thinking I may open a salon or a massage place or a yoga spot when I get older so I can swoop mad fly girls into my later years. We’ll see.
22. I have friends in jail that I came up with. I have friends who have faded away due to The Mirror, The Razor Blade and The Straw. Not to mention some have fallen due to The Spoon, The Flame and The Spike. And I have good childhood friends that are locked up for being criminally insane. My best friend (who I may add is the CEO of a company half way to a billion a year) and I recently spoke about this. It’s the little decisions in life that make the difference between being lucky and becoming a casualty. Can ya dig it?
23. I first boxed at The Wildcard in Hollywood when I was a kid. Mickey Rourke days. Back then, I used to Base of Operations out of The Three Clubs and chill with that cat with was in that movie Laws of Gravity (great movie by the way). It is not lost on me that this probably reveals my identity. However, anyone that knows me from those days, already knows.
24. I try my hardest not to spend a dime with any big corporations; zero for Starbucks, zero for department stores, zero for big oil, zero for Big Banks, zero for big pharma, zero for…you get the broken picture. I treat big corporations like Pretty Tony once said, “You know, man, all bitches are the same, just like my ho’s. I keep ’em broke–wake up one morning wit some money in their pockets, they subject to go crazy. I keep ’em looking good, fly, and all that, but no dough. When I get a bitch, I got a bitch.”
25. I once swooped 32 girls in 30 days when I was a young pup in Los Angeles. Mostly Hollywood actress types. A got the flu pretty bad afterwards. Could have been the drugs. It’s kind of hard to track exactly.
27. I have been on the receiving end of a few “three on one” beatdowns. Not fun. And I got cracked over the head with a Louisville Slugger when street crews were clashing in High School. I had an out of body experience. I still have the spot where it deformed my skull. Sometimes I let girls touch it. They usually get grossed out.
28. I have been robbed at gunpoint two times. One time by knife point. Charge it to The Game.
29. I am not smart enough to make big time passive income. Not yet anyways. Working on it.
30. I have never seen a Walmart with my own eyes in my whole life. Although, I have been to Carrefour.
31. I have never had a meal at a PF Wangs, Olive Garden (Garbage), or TGI Fridays. And that includes the TGI Fridays in Riga, Latvia too.
34. I have been swooping girls since I was knee high to a kangaroo and although I have had ups and downs in the biz world I have been clocking dough and traveling since I was a kid.
35. I have been becoming more Spiritual with every passing day. I have a lot to be thankful for. I have said before, “My mind is the enigma filled with broken pictures. The spiritual International Playboy can see clearer now.” Like King David said, “I guess my life was pretty extraordinary. In the end, I suppose it all comes back to the whole karma thing. Who knows? If it’s half as real as the Hindus say…I may just get a second chance after all. I wonder, what lies ahead for me on the other side?”
36. I wanted to also say, “thanks” to all the fly females that fed me. Just in case they ever thought, “Did Michael forget me?”
Now, look, I have had dope rides in my day; a mint 1963 Lincoln Continental with Suicide Doors (and I don’t mean Suits VS SuicideGirls, either), a 72 Cadillac Coupe DeVille and a 2005 Cadillac DeVille (in 2005) so I am up on what I am putting down. And I can tell you that the lion’s share of the attention you get from dope rides is from guys not girls. Usually it is some skippy “congratulating” on how “sick” you ride is followed by tales of how they “used to own” a dope ride similar. Sh*t gets tired real quick.
If you think having a dope ride will get girls stepping to you, you are in for a surprise. Even in Southern California.
Doubt me?
Next time you see a Ferrari roll by, 99 times out of 100 you are going to see it with some solo dude or some cat and his weesh buddy. Rarely if ever will you see it with a fly girl attached.
Ferrari’s and other rides at that price point simply aren’t with it in regards to swooping girls. Hell, you would need to swoop like 30,000 girls to even make it pencil out. A highly unlikely occurrence, even for the most G of International Playboys.
Another word on Ferrari’s: max you can only fit one or two girls inside. Personally, I like rides that you can fit three or four girls in, hence the need for a Lac.
Hell, when I was a young up and coming Playboy on the rise, I drove a Ford truck (mostly for low-profile purposes). Granted, I was in my heavy “transport” days and uncrowded point breaks in Norte Baja days but I still peeled fly girls like a fresh Papaya in Panama.
So what do I do these days?
Truth be told, I don’t drive much anymore. I am usually waxing too much of a headbuzz and driving is the easiest way to get yourself caught up in the “Shitstem”. Nowadays, I mostly spend my time traveling, primarily in cities where having a car is more hassle than it’s worth.
Now I never get parking tickets, get towed, get DUI’s, get busted with 100 lbs of grass in the trunk or have to pay for car washes, oil changes, new alternators, or gasoline.
If I do need a ride, I have drivers on call. My cell is literally full of town car drivers and cab drivers. In fact, the only thing I have more of in my cell, is numbers of fly girls.
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
http://www.thegmanifesto.com
2Pac – Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z – Representin’ 93
