New York City, I am thinking, Fashion Week, I am thinking, Circa Tabac smoking cigarettes and gulping cocktails, I am thinking, getting sweated like a steam room by three Latinas, I am thinking, models at Downtown Cipriani’s, I am thinking, ask them for a light and their number, I am thinking, Double Light move, I am thinking, Steak Tartare at Balthazar, I am thinking, Number Crunching model named Alexa outside Balthazar, I am thinking, Meat Packing District unfortunately, I am thinking, Beeks on the street, I am thinking, swoop girl outside of Kiss and Fly, I am thinking, beeks from limo driver, I am thinking, swooping fly girl at hotel, I am thinking, Pastrami sandwich at Katz Deli, I am thinking, New York Egg Cream, I am thinking, banging out phone calls in the park across the street, I am thinking, day swooping Dominican Girl, I am thinking, Entering the Dragon, I am thinking, I am all about dinero like Pesci, I am thinking, Dinner with super fly Sophisto wine girl at Gramercy Tavern, I am thinking, best table in the house, I am thinking, best sweetbreads I have ever had, I am thinking, Spanish vino, I am thinking, blood red carpet treatment, I am thinking, Custom Suit is killing it, I have been nice since Kris Kross wore backwards pants, I am thinking, I am thinking, aloof Game, I am thinking, stories about my life as an International Playboy, I am thinking, she is in love, I am thinking, my Game is Platinum Plated, I am thinking, and so does she, I am thinking, swooping, I am thinking, #1 in NYC, I am thinking, King f*cking Kong, I am thinking, Soho pimping, I am thinking, girl that looks like Ashanti, I am the Game Bounty Hunter, I am thinking, A Dead Bat in Paraguay, I am thinking, People say “Live and Let Live” , I am thinking, I say “Live and Let Die”, I am thinking, Everybody try to make it, I am thinking, But my spot isn’t vacant, I am thinking, my traps and patience make my Game Taliban Dangerous, I am thinking, peeling girls off Prince Street, I am thinking, Street Gaming models on Grand Street, I am thinking, Spitting Game on Spring Street, I am thinking, I love the streets, I am thinking, but they don’t love me back, I am thinking, so I keep an eye open and my gat, I am thinking, High Heels and Dirty Deals, I am thinking, Swoop Aussie Girl, I am thinking, She said, do all those things that you want to do to me, I am thinking, Street Eats, I am thinking, Lamb with rice, I am thinking, Downtown Cipriani’s, I am thinking, Model girl picks up on some London Guy with Jonas Brother’s hair instead of me, I am thinking, Weesh, I am thinking, Soho Grand, I am thinking, more Aussie girls for Fashion Week, I am thinking, More Beeks, I am thinking, More Steak Tartare at Balthazar, I am thinking, Number Crunch Russian Model outside, I am thinking, She has braids like Kornikova, I am thinking, I turn away because I am foaming at the mouth, I am thinking, I am starting to grow Fangs, I am thinking, mad tapas at Boqueria with Russian Model, I am thinking, Home, I am thinking, Italian ices on Mulberry street, I am thinking, NYU swooping, I am thinking, spitting razors in Washington Square Park, I am thinking, Kissing Model Girl in Stuvesant Square, I am thinking, day swooping her in The Rutherford, I am thinking, Chopping down 1st Ave, I am thinking, Raoul’s at 11:45 on a Sunday night with more Models, I am thinking, so much steak tartare, I am thinking, I might be getting stomach worms, I am thinking, and I am going off the deep end fast, I am thinking, that’s ok though, I am thinking, I am in the best city in America, I am thinking….
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
http://www.thegmanifesto.com
Cheetahs Club & Restaurant
So what if it offers nyotaimori (all-you-can-eat sushi served on a naked woman) in its private Kabuki room? Cheetahs is a real strip club through and through. Think iced urinals and doormen who resemble characters from Boogie Nights—and not ironically, either. The girls here are a tad more desperate than at other clubs (expect to be invited to their weekend DJ gigs) but not pushy, and they don’t mind putting their hands near your crotch during a lap dance. 252 W 43rd St between Seventh and Eighth Aves (212-819-9300, cheetahnyc.com)
Flashdancers
This basement-level space fills up on Friday and Saturday nights, but by day it’s still a popular destination for tourists, businessmen and the odd celeb. Its taxi-top ads, pamphleteers and proximity to Times Square ensure regular foot traffic—including a dozen or so girls looking for jobs each night. The high worker turnover makes for a roomful of the city’s most beautiful transients (with Eastern Europe and South America well represented); a lap dance here is like getting up close with a Renaissance-period statue—a bit cold; and a bit awe-inspiring, if a bit boring for its lack of imperfection and personality. 1674 Broadway between 52nd and 53rd Sts (212-315-5107, flashdancersnyc.com)
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Head Quarters
The slimmer pickings of this loungey club’s “boutique” staff—35 girls on an average night, 75 at most when busy—aren’t a plus for the variety-is-the-spice-of-life type. But HQ’s hospitable staff has a genuine appreciation for repeat customers, making birthday phone calls, doling out promotional freebies like baseball tickets and discounting dinner packages at the upstairs restaurant. Moreover, this is where you go to find women who might not fit into a typical club’s ideals—e.g., between the ages of 30 and 35. On a weeknight, you’ll likely spend more time chatting with the pretty Hungarian after you’ve paid for the lapdance than before—a pleasant bonus if you’re into that “talking” stuff. 552 W 38th St between Tenth and Eleventh Aves (212-967-4646, hqnewyork.com)
Lace
Despite its frilly name, this location of Lace is a no-frills establishment: It’s roughly the size of some other clubs’ bathrooms, and there isn’t even a bar to drink at—just a handful of seats on the cabaret floor and one lonely stripper pole. Of course, what it lacks in flash and velvet it makes up for in intimacy: Don’t be surprised if you catch a nipple in your mouth during a lap dance—the girls here are mighty forward. 689 Eighth Ave at 43rd St (212-765-5047, laceclubs.com)
Penthouse Executive Club
For all the raunch the Penthouse name connotes, this club is remarkably refined—classy is not an ironic description. Catering to well-padded expense accounts (charges show as “Robert’s Steakhouse”) and bonus-laden financial types, the Executive Club crams 19 private rooms—spaces range in size from coffin to a Hell’s Kitchen 3BR, with price tags from $150 to $1,000 an hour—into a deceptively cozy 2.5-level arena. A small stage sits dead center, with two single-occupancy go-go platforms accommodating additional pole dancers upstairs. Lured by VIP expenditures and repeat customers, the city’s most sought-after entertainers perform here—as many as 80 on a weeknight. The net is a bevy of attractive pros—sexy, flirty and experienced veterans of the New York–Las Vegas–Miami megaclub scenes—savvy at parting men from their paychecks. Still, a Jackson is all anyone needs to enjoy a well-practiced caress from a perfectly made-up seductress. 603 W 45th St between Eleventh Ave and West Side Hwy (212-245-0002, penthouseexecutiveclub.com)
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
http://www.thegmanifesto.com
