– (Innovative wordplay from Cam’ron’s “Weekend” The G Manifesto Certified Track of the Week)
You know the type: skips the line for the Nightclub like hop-scotch, knows all the bouncers, bartenders, waitresses, club promoters, party girls, DJ’s, drug dealers (kind of sounds like the G….). But this is not the G, it’s The Nightlife Princess. Every (legitimate) city has at least one. Typically, she is fly, bordering on beautiful, maybe has some tear sheets, wasn’t a successful model for a variety of reasons (lack of focus, too much partying, missing castings, too short, too exotic of a look, etc…), has traveled (sometimes extensively), has bisexual tendencies, has names like Adriana or Lavender, knows DJ’s (current or ex-boyfriend is often a DJ), Never misses the Winter Music Conference, can dance like a Coca-Cola mixed with Pop Rocks, family often has summer cribs in Italy on the Adriatic, and sometimes but not always comes from Big family money. The difference between her and regular party girls is that she is the Top Party Girl. Examples, of Famous Nightlife Princesses are Madonna and Ingrid Casares to name a few.
Nightlife Princesses are a worthy target for the G to Swoop on for many reasons. Number one, they a very challenging prey. Like the Thompsons Gazelle to the Cheetah. Number two, especially if they live in cities that you don’t frequent that often, rolling with them gives you the key to the city, at least the nightlife aspect…pro bono entry into clubs, drinks, alterators etc. Number three, they are fun to roll with and there is no better way to experience a new city than with a Nightlife Princess. Number four, like I said earlier, they are Fly, and make worthy sparing partners to do battle with on 1000 plus thread count Egyptian Cotton sheets.
So obviously, there are plenty of benefits to swooping The Nightlife Princess. You first need to spot her. The best way to find her is go to the dopest club in the City that night and keep your eyes peeled. Personally, I can spot these girls like leopard skin. Then you need to swoop. Here is how it is done:
1. Style. These girls have seen it all and paper thin game isn’t going to cut it. You also cannot dress like the typical nightlife weekend warrior 9 to 5 real estate jerk with a stripped shirt un-tucked, designer jeans and Kenneth Coles. You need to come with some snap on your jabs. Fashion forward suits are preferable to more conservative suits, although a two button custom tailored Armani will do you a hell of a lot better than the jerk with the t-shirt with writing on it, sport coat and jeans look (Southern California’s worst contribution to fashion since the trucker hat). Paul Smith and Etro, pinstripes with Gucci loafers should do the trick or something by Ozwald Boateng’s House of Boateng. I like going with a single breasted, two-button Grey Paul Smith, with side vents and ticket pocket, made in Italy, shirt by Thomas Pink and Brioni pocket square (color irrelevant) not leave much to chance.
2. Lifestyle. To swoop The Nightlife Princess, you need to have a congruent lifestyle. Meaning, telling her you work in a cubicle or in a dentists office isn’t going to impress her. You have to seem interesting. So if you don’t live an interesting lifestyle of leisure, you need to Lie. Come up with something good. Drug Dealer? Not bad, but she already knows tons of them. DJ? Same thing. You are way better off if you actually lead a lifestyle that will capture her attention, like the dashing, young millionaire playboy, such as your humble author, Oh my Brothers.
3. Nightlife knowledge. You need to know Nightlife inside and out. Especially in cities that are superior to where the girl is the Reigning Nightlife Princess. For instance, if she is the top Nightlife Princess in Toronto, you are going to have to tell her you have things cooking in Miami Beach. Chances are she will have been there more than a few times, so make sure your story is air tight. LA and West Coast Princesses you can always trump with NYC. NYC Princesses are a little trickier, Europe, Spain, Paris and London are really your options and Los Angeles works to. European Princessess, you can use NYC or Los Angeles (Europeans have really bought the whole California thing, hook, line and sinker.)
4. Once you meet the Princess, you need to hit hard. She will have tons of weesh guy friends that will try to neturalize your maneuverings most of the time. She will introduce you to these guys and tell you they are “so cool” and “so interesting”. Trust me there not. Some of these cats will be ok, so you can befriend them. The real lame ones you need to diss heavy. Like mention to her why her friend is so “sweaty”. Make sure you give the “gasface” to these nightlife chumps. The good news is (and I don’t mean News Café in Miami Beach, either) most nightlife guys are softer than a cotton swab, so just make sure you get them out of your ear.
5. Strong Constitution. For Booze and especially drugs. Keep in mind, the G Manifesto does not advocate drug use (I was selling while you all was smoking). And it’s not for moral reasons. It is simply because unless you have fully Entered The Dragon, it is harder to shake off a night out. But if it comes down to swooping and not swooping a Nightlife Princess, well, you make the choice. (Be careful, not to go too far down the canyon on this one, or you might turn into the “sweaty friend” of the Nightlife Princess.)
6. CASH. Seeing a thick bankroll for a Nightlife Princess is like seeing La Grande Plage in Biarritz in July for The G. A beautiful sight. This is because of many reasons. Nightlife Princesses, for all the free access they get, are usually living a few steps ahead. Many times the family money has been cut off or the flow is not too consistent. Also, Nightlife Princesses usually have poor choices in friends, putting constant strain on the financials. So make sure you nonchalantly flash your bankroll, it will make the two cocktails for $24 (not including tip) you just paid for seem like a bargain. No love for George Bush, but love for Dead Presidents. So be on your green like Irish Spring.
7. Throw Heat. When you pitch Nightlife Princesses on various closes, you have to come heavy. Telling her you want to meet her tomorrow for a Starbucks Latte is not going to alter her very busy schedule (actually who knows, maybe it would work, but there are no style points in going to Starbucks). Pitching her on a dope hotel and champagne has a high percentage of success. Usually, packaging a Hotel Close, Champagne Close and Spa Close is going to get you the victory. Also use Swagger International. Keep in mind, these girls dance a lot, and usually are very open to massages.
8. Dance. As much as you might not want to, to swoop the Nightlife Princess, you are going to have to dance at some point. So get some moves down. You don’t want to look like a fool, or all your hard work can fall apart. Take some salsa lessons. You pick it up quick. Personally, I would be a way better dancer, but I always end up swooping on my Salsa teacher and I have to stop taking lessons.
9. Strike first. Strike hard. No Mercy. No fear, No pain, and No defeat can exist in your Dojo. Nightlife Princesses usually have a short attention span. Be the 60 second Assassin. It is important that you make a huge impression on them at minimum. You need to stay on their mind like a yarmulke. The bad news is Nightlife Princesses usually have short Reigns at the top. And many times, a Nightlife Princess on the way down isn’t a pretty sight. The good news is, every time a Nightlife Princess falls, there are ten girls ready to take her place. It’s Nightlife Darwinism.
Executed correctly, having the Nightlife Princess on your team will guarantee you a great time in a new city. You will be able to see, touch and feel the real side of the city, the side that you want. Using these techniques to the letter, you are bound to do just that, and yes, I do accept Thank You Cards…….The Rest is Up to You……………………..
Side Note:
Wale (pronounced Wah-lay, last name irrelevant) from DreamCity is spitting the most innovative flows and rhymes I have heard in a long time. Kenny Burns (the black Lyor Cohen) is calling him the next Jay-Z. Well see. Personally, I think he is completely flipping the script. Props. Paint a picture. Hate is the New Love…….
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA The 7th Prince
