Why you shouldn’t drive an SUV
Why you shouldn’t drive an SUV
(New in the Underworld: Metal Heists)
Admit it, SUV’s are pretty obnoxious. They guzzle gas and perpetuate wars in the Middle East. Sports Utility Vehicles are also horrible for the environment. And you are not doing yourself any favors as far as style points are concerned, especially compared to vintage muscle cars, vintage Cadillacs and hell, even brand new Lacs.
Sure, SUV’s are necessary if you want to drive from Diego to Cabo San Lucas or if you need to shoot down to a Panamanian beach for a few low profile months. Or if you are rolling around a Cartel controlled Latin American city, bulletproofed down. But, if you all you do, is drive around the Suburbs, go to work and Starbucks, you are pretty much a jerkoff. Fair enough?
Tupac – Holla If Ya Hear Me (G Manifesto Certified Classic)
Here is another reason not to drive an SUV:
My little cousin, Mark Pablo Mason, is an up and coming baby G who lives in Washington DC, was recently was out west visiting colleges. He gave me a call and we met at Pink’s Hollywood for some Hot Dogs. We were both fresh on the scene, crispy and clean like Kentucky Fried Chicken and Irish Spring.
Like two Assassins in the height of fashion, we had young fly LA girls in SUV’s, peeping us as they rolled by. (Not really part of the story, but I just wanted to set the record straight in ‘08.)
As we ate Polish Pastrami swiss cheese dogs and choked down cigarettes (the lunch of champions), I asked him about what’s new on the baby G money making scheme front.
Mark had some pretty basic stuff to say, like bean flipping, standing over rival factions, making book, rigged dice games, swooping private school girls and socialites from a higher economic strata, arson for the Barons, small time heists etc. You know, typical baby G stuff. But then he got my attention with something, as it turns out, gave me some faith in the younger generation. Mad Innovative.
Mark went on to tell me he and his crew have been heisting catalytic converters from cars, primarily from SUV’s because of their height off the ground. He said he can heist a catalytic converter in with a socket wrench or cordless sawzall and be gone in 60 seconds. His crew is so quick, they can even wack them during the daylight. I knew immediately where he was going with this…
See, the commodity markets are very bullish these days. Metals prices have been on a sharp upswing. Catalytic converters (not to be sexist or anything, but for the girls out there, Catalytic converters are used to reduce the toxicity of emissions from your car’s engine) contain precious metals. Most importantly your Catalytic converter contains Rhodium, priced today at over $6000 an ounce. It also contains Platinum (and I don’t mean Platinum Diggers either), $1,200 an ounce and Palladium (and I don’t mean that 80’s Ian Schrager and Steve Rubell nightclub in NYC either) at $320 per ounce.
Mark and his crew would heist the catalytic converters and get paid up to $100 per, from the Barons upstairs. Cats also don’t have serial numbers on them, therefore, reducing the risk.
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I thought this was interesting since I heard through the G grapevine about how some guys heisted an empty Fuel tanker and sold it for scrap. I also caught wind of Cats being heisted on the west coast, to be put on containers, headed for Japan.
Just one more reason not to drive your environmentally damaging, wack SUV.
Either way, since Mark is flush with CASH he paid for my Pink’s. I can’t remember the last time someone paid for my meal.
Kid has got some class. And the world’s future is safe, at least for the next generation of G’s.
The Rest is Up to You…
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
http://www.thegmanifesto.com
Side note:
After Pink’s we ran into a couple of the fly girls in a SUV at Fred Segal. They followed us to Chateau Marmont for some late afternoon Champagne. Worked out well into the night. We were driving a ’64 Lac. In case you wanted to know the data.
Dj Quik – Tonite
Roy Ayers – Everybody Loves the Sunshine
