If you are lucky in “The Life” and have the pleasure of swooping a fly Colombiana and she invites you to a big Colombian Family Gathering, jump like House of Pain at the opportunity.
The other night I went over to the palatial casa of the family of a fly Colombiana that I am having a Mini-Relationship with. It was dope:
We walk in, and there are 6 different women cooking in the kitchen; La Madre, Hermanas, Primas, Abuelas, Sobrinas etc. My girl tells me to sit down with her 2 Suited Down Primos and El Padre and jumps into the fray in the kitchen.
The women continue to bring me non-stop cervezas as I kick back and rap out with the other 3 men present about football, boxing and biz. I don’t have to lift a finger.
Little primas jump all over me until I tell them to chill out as I don’t want them to wrinkle up my Custom Suit or spill Postobon Manzana on my luxurious fabrics.
We then feast on mindblowing Ajiaco, Bandeja Paisa, Morcilla, Chicharrón, and mad Arepas. Mad Aguilas.
We have like 16 women catering to our every need.
This is how Life should be.
And its quite a sharp contrast from American girls that can’t cook their way out of a brown paper bag. And I don’t mean that DJ Khaled track either.
In other prostitution news:
Sen. Reid calls for ending legal prostitution
Sen. Harry Reid called for the abolishment of Nevada’s legal brothel trade Tuesday in a speech before the Legislature.
“So let’s have an adult conversation about an adult subject,” Reid said. “Nevada needs to be known as the first place for innovation and investment — not as the last place where prostitution is still legal. When the nation thinks about Nevada, it should think about the world’s newest ideas and newest careers — not about its oldest profession.”
Dennis Hof, owner of the Bunny Ranch and Love Ranch brothels in Lyon County, sat in the Assembly chamber during the speech, along with nine sex workers that work at his brothels.
“We should do everything we can to make sure the world holds Nevada in the same high regard you and I do,” Reid said. “If we want to attract business to Nevada that puts people back to work, the time has come for us to outlaw prostitution.”
(Side note: To my friends that have been away in prison for the last five to ten years and are reading this now just as you got out, a little clarification might be needed. When I was referring above to “glittery shirts and super tight jeans” I was referring to how guys dress these days, not girls. And yes, I am being serious. Amazing as it may seem for someone who has been “away”, American “males” now actually wear shirts with glitter on them and splotchy designs and guys wear tight jeans. It’s true, there is only so much I can do to keep our country in check).
Anyways, I will answer some of your questions below.
Question: Are there certain cities where being suited down wouldn’t be an advantage or may even be a disadvantage?
Michael Mason: Well I know for sure it is an advantage in NYC, LA, New Orleans, Las Vegas, SF, Miami Beach, Beverly Hills, DC, Chicago, Boston, Philadelphia, Seattle, ATL as I have come up Aces in all while Suited Down. Internationally, the list would get pretty long.
In the last year I can confirm: Buenos Aires, Barcelona, Sevilla, London, Riga, Latvia. I didn’t go Suited Down in Cartagena, Colombia which is coincidentally where I took a loss to Gabriel García Márquez.
Not sure about Rancho Cucamonga, CA, Deadhorse, AK or Surprise, AZ. Nor do I intend on finding out. Why don’t you check for me and report back? Fair enough?
Question: Do you think there’s a big drop off in results with quality of suit. For instance, can a guy swoop girls in a $200-300 suit that looks decent and get 90% of the results of a guy in a custom made suit?
Michael Mason: I love how people always want shortcuts.
That being said, you are in luck as from my experience the answer is yes. A little story: back when I was a super young proto-type G cub, I went to a super sick wedding on top of The World Trade, Windows on the World. (Pre-911 obviously). Let’s put it this way, the cake supposedly cost $75,000.
It was West coast Newport beach/Hollywood money meets NYC Hedge fund money flush from the Internet Bubble. All kinds of competition from heavy finance cats and actors. I was a young up and coming Playboy on the Rise in a $300 suit.
Came in with so much swagger I swooped the flyest girl at the wedding right out from under everyone.
Clean KO. (Disclaimer: I was the best friend of the oldest brother of the bride. So I did have a “leverage point”.)
That was the first time I cracked the Top 100 American Playboys list.
So yes, it can be done. And done against top-flight competition as well.
Question: Who is your tailor? Who is this “mystery man”?
Michael Mason: Do me a favor. Actually, it is pretty easy to figure out. He is the best tailor in America and has a supreme clientele of famous people you know. However, I am his favorite client.
He is a super cool old-school cat that knows all the heavies from years gone by. Sometimes I just go hang out in his tailor shop and rap out with him for hours. I consider him a key member of my “team” and a great friend as well.
Question: Do you ever fear you will come off as a cheesy Wall Street Guy when you wear Suits?
Michael Mason: No. But then again, with my ethnic mix (half IRA, half ETA) and since I look like a slightly more Irish-Blooded “Manolo” in Scarface or young Andy Garcia, I get accused, more often, of looking like a high-end drug smuggler more than a Wall Street Cat. Which I have come to realize isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
(Another Side note: Seriously, if Martin Scorsese or Francis Ford Coppola ever wanted to make an epic about drug smuggling, they would be remiss in not casting me in the part of the brutally handsome young drug smuggler with South American, Miami Beach and California Connections. I would of course turn down the role. This “Life as an International Playboy” thing I got going on is way too good to sacrifice.)
Plus my suits are different than theirs.
Question: What are your thoughts on the current state of men’s fashion in America?
Michael Mason: I have said it before and I will say it again, My Grandfather always told me; “Style and Taste are for men. Trends and Fashion are for the ladies.” G’s stick with Style and Taste.
Since fashion has 98% of American men wearing either glitter on their shirts or tight jeans these days, it’s not too much of a stretch to think American fashion will have the majority of American men wearing skirts and dresses in a few years.
Is it?
To be continued…
Third Side Note: Sometimes I don’t know what is weirder; the fact that 98% of American males wear either/or glittery shirts or tight jeans, or the fact that I am the only one that seems to question this fact.
(Fourth Side Note: I have that same sports coat with the big houndstooth check that Benny Siegel is wearing above. Of course, I had to have it custom made).
The Rest is Up to You…
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
“Let your greatest cunning lie in covering up what looks like cunning”– Baltasar Gracián (Spanish Jesuit and baroque prose writer), 1601-1658
“Winning comes down to two things: Taking advantage of your opponents mistakes and perfect timing” – Michael John Mason VI (Father to son boxing advise when I was a young amateur)
This year, when I haven’t been traveling, I have been spending a bunch of time in Beverly Hills, working on some big “heists”, so to speak. So after Entering The Dragon at The Wildcard and a beautiful day at the Getty, I find myself at a Private Club in West Hollywood for dinner and drinks.
Here are the attendees at the dinner:
• Entertainment CEO, who I have never met
• Oscar nominated Producer, who I have met
• My friend in the Horse world and girlfriend
• My friend who works at big corporation putting it all together
• Some young Hollywood Actor, who I don’t know
• Hollywood stylist guy (British), who I don’t know
• Two Brazilian model girls, who came with Producer guy
• And Your humble author, AKA Your favorite International Playboy’s favorite International Playboy
It promises to be a pretty vague affair, and I have no real purpose being at the dinner, I was just invited by my friend, the corporate cat. It’s a meet and greet with a little biz on the agenda. You know, your typical Tableaux de mode turning into a Fête galante with potential to be a Bacchanale.
It should be noted that I feel slightly un-centered, possibly because of the fact that I completely out-gunned (so to speak) at this dinner, as almost everyone, save the girls, are more accomplished than I am (at least in a mainstream sense) and have longer dough. And it doesn’t exactly comfort me when I start having flashbacks of knuckle-ups “on the cobbles” with big Russian guys with bald heads and leather jackets, from a few weeks prior, either. It also should be noted that I have been increasingly been finding myself in these types of situations as I move up The Layer Cake of life.
However, I am dressed in a sick Custom Suit: jet black, peaked lapels, one-button, side vents and interior so crimson that if we were in South Central you might have thought I was Brim or Piru. Pocket Square the color of Colombian Blow.
The conversation at the table starts off cordial and loosens up as vino consumption is increased. I stay in the cut, and only add comments where necessary and when I can add value as I am well versed in many subjects these days (not bragging, just keeping it solid gold like 1oz American Eagle coins for you). Doing this keeps an air of mystery around me, and the table really starts coming around. Entertainment CEO double takes after I drop a few gems and asks me, “What is it that you do again?”
The Brazilian model girls take notice, which, of course, is not lost on me. Also, what is not lost on me is that the weesh Young Hollywood actor guys starts hating on me. Which, of course, I ignore and continue to stay in the seam.
Surprisingly, it is actually shaping up to be a great dinner; Entertainment CEO guy is running the show and is actually super cool, Oscar nominated Producer guy spins some good tales, my horse world friend and his girlfriend drop dimes, Stylist guy busts some hilarious tales that everyone loves, the Brazilian Girls are having fun and my corporate friend is gluing it all together. It is one of those rare occurrences:The whole table is gelling.
Well, maybe not Actor guy, as he is trying to “close talk” one of the Brazilian model girls (which is a weak move) but I notice her “body languageing” him away as I am busting out a story. I spit out a little Portuguese which the Brazilian Model girls love and the actor boy hates as he does not speak any.
Feeling good now, I drop some good lines:
I use the phrase, “like that guy from Wikileaks” multiple times, and even drop this one: “Oh you mean, Rahm Emanuel’s brother?” to check everyone as the discussion topics are a little too Hollywood-centric for my liking.
Since there is a lot of name dropping (albeit legitimate name dropping) going on, I comtemplate busting out my Wesley Snipes Story, but decide against it.
When Entertainment CEO guy asks me what I think of his favorite wine, I reply, “It is rich and decadent with seamless overtones of violets and homemade country jam, and it really has a Harmonious finish…” which sends the crowd wild. (Little did everyone at the table know, save my corporate friend, is that I always use that response when asked about the wine at dinners such as these.)
Hollywood stylist guy, throws out, “Who made your suit? It’s phenomenal…”
Entertainment CEO even shoots out a, “OK, that’s it, this is the best dinner I have been to all year!” after Stylist guy, who is a true raconteur tells another hilarious story (and I am not talking about those cats that made that dope movie Cocaine Cowboys either, or maybe I am).
“Camilla” the flyer of the two models, a true Beauty of monumentality and vulnerability, follows me for a smoke when actor boy is in the bathroom.
It’s on.
She starts asking me questions as I tell tales of Mediterranean courtyards and terraces and her vibe goes from romantic expectation to dreamy absorption to erotic playfulness quicker than a Samba dance at Carnaval.
We roll back to the table and the dinner is still frolicking along at a decent pace. Some owner and GM type cats roll by as well as plenty of West Coast style Hipster/Douchebag fusion types that Los Angeles is leading the world in producing these days. They are probably actors if I am hard pressed to guess.
Actor guy, vanquished, leaves in discomfiture with a couple of Hipster/Douchebag fusion types, I am presuming in search of Beaks.
Entertainment CEO has to go home to the wife and kids and the extravagant meal kind of breaks up. Some go to smoke weed, some merge with other tables, Camilla and I split for a drink.
Back at my dope hotel (which my horse world friend hooked me up at a discounted rate, I may add), Camilla plays the part of a young girl defending herself against Eros.
I play the part of Mischief and Repose.
Camilla and I sip a glass of wine and admire the sensuous textures of my suite: marble, fur, tile, silk, flesh…
The Rest is Up to You…
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
http://www.thegmanifesto.com
Disclaimer: Some of the above characters are merged and/or changed to protect the innocent. And the guilty. But then again, if you have a brain, you knew that already.
After watching all the contestants, I picked Miss Mexico Jimena Navarrete to win. In fact, if my memory serves me correctly, I picked the last three or four winners. But then again, I have always been a pretty good judge of beauty. I really need to start betting on this event.
I thought it was interesting that a girl from Guadalajara won Miss Universe as I have been indulging in swooping High-End Mexican girls myself lately. I need to take a trip to Guadalajara soon. I have said it before and I will say it again: Girls are like Drugs, you need to go to the Source.
I keep on saying this, but I really need to weasel a ticket to this event next year and post up at the after parties.
Update: Next time get a better host for the show. That makeup wearing, hair-band balding ponce with the headband almost single handedly ruined the telecast. I had to switch over and watch it in Spanish on Telemundo.
The Rest is Up to You…
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
http://www.thegmanifesto.com
Julieta Venegas A Dueto Con Anita Tijoux – Eres Para Mi
Just in, from my inside sources, and I am mildly surprised that no one else has reported on this:
Last year, if you remember, was the first year that 4 O’ Clock Fridays were actually 3 O’ CLOCK FRIDAYS.
This year at The Del Mar Race Track, there is a fusion of sorts, as there will be four 4 O’ Clock Fridays and three 3:30 Fridays this year.
Here is an EZ schedule to keep this it all straight in 2010:
Friday, July 23rd: 4 O’ Clock Fridays (CTBA STAKES)
Friday, July 30th: 4 O’ Clock Fridays (COUGAR II HANDICAP (Gr. III)
Friday, August 6th: 4 O’ Clock Fridays (SORRENTO STAKES (Gr. III)
Friday, August 13th: 4 O’ Clock Fridays (Daisycutter Handicap)
Friday, August 20th: 3:30 (Sandy Blue Handicap)
Friday, August 27th: 3:30 (CTT and Thoroughbred Owners of California Handicap)
Friday, September 3rd: 3:30 (EL CAJON STAKES)
I would list the bands, but they always suck. But that is neither Cocaine Queens nor Maybelline Teens.
Anyway you slice it, this give you an extra half hour to swoop fly girls in summer dresses. And we all know how important an extra half hour can be in a place with an ridiculously early last call.
Countdown to first post: 14 days, 22:21, 42 seconds.
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
http://www.thegmanifesto.com
