In a few hours, The Del Mar Race Track begins and marks the start of the best six weeks of the year in Southern California. Well, at least it is for International Playboys.
It is no secret that I have had a long and passionate love affair with The Del Mar Race Track for years culminating in the Top Spot.
(Side note: Don’t shed a tear for me. I might be having the best summer of my life.)
Being that I am probably the most prolific writer on The Race Track Lifestyle since Damon Runyon, I have put together a definitive guide for The Del Mar Race Track for any up and comers that want to take the title.
Who knows though? Maybe I will pull one last “job”. So no slacking, or I may just come and peel your girls like Alpha-Hydroxy.
36 Things You Didn’t Know About Michael Porfirio Mason
Here are The 36 Chambers you never knew about Michael Porfirio Mason:
1. I haven’t owned or wore a pair of jeans in ten years. If I was going to hang sheet rock for an afternoon, maybe I would. But I haven’t hung sheet rock in a while.
2. I have never owned an Iphone, Ipod, an Ipad, or any Apple products for that matter.
4. I have never seen a 3D movie (save the old school ones as a kid, think those horror ones). I have never seen Avatar. I can’t handle looking at Blue people for three hours.
5. I have never seen that Leonardo Depricio, movie The Titanic. In fact, I make an effort to not consume popular culture. I consider this one of my “keys to success”.
6. I know how to work on cars. Although these days I rarely drive. I realized a few years ago that every time I was arrested, jailed or caught in the rookers of the milicents; it was “vehicular related” in some way. That being said, I still will slide a Cadillac to The Del Mar Racetrack in summertime though to reclaim my #1 Spot. Turf Club Parking. What’s up?
7. I know my way around a construction site, and worked construction for two years and multiple summers as a young pup. I can hang sheetrock, run copper and PVC, do carpentry and I am an artist with a jackhammer, skilsaw and a chainsaw. I never really learned electric but can bust out some.
8. I have driven Cross country 3 times in my life. It was 3 times too many. This was back in my “transport” days. I thought it was going to be all “On The Road” style like my man Jack Kerouac. It wasn’t. America is a hell hole of strip malls, fat people, track housing and chain restaurants. The only redeeming parts of Middle America are Las Vegas, New Orleans and Chicago.
9. At one point, I had close to $100,000 in credit card debt. And over $300,000 in debt to the kind of people that don’t exactly send you “past due” notices in the mail. All my accounts are clear now. Maybe one day I will write about how I got out of that situation.
10. I have never claimed to be a great writer. In fact, when I first started writing The G Manifesto, I could barely write. I never paid much attention in school. I mean yeah, I went to school. All the way through school, right in the front door and out the back. Read the earlier “Manifestos”. They are almost un-readable (interestingly, enough, it was back then when I was getting the most attention from the publishing world and Hollywood).
11. I have surfed many parts of the bubble. In fact, traveling, swooping and surfing was what my life was about in my younger years. You would be hard pressed to find someone that knows Las Playas de Norte Baja better than your humble author. Hell, I could write two “Manifestos” on the beaches of Northern Baja alone. But you know what? I never will. People just don’t talk about that place. Myself included.
12. I sometimes get para. But like Chopper Read once said, “Just because I am paranoid doesn’t mean people aren’t trying to kill me”.
13. I once stayed up for 4 nights straight in New Orleans solely on a diet of Gulf Oysters, Creole food and Swooping fly New Orleans girls. No drugs. No joke. I was hallucinating and almost in tears. To the best of my knowledge this is a world record (one of two “un-official” World Records I think I hold). I may tell this whole story down the road.
14. I have a couple of dope screenplays I want to write. One of course, would be my life story. The younger years and the come up. The only problem is there is no actor dope enough in Hollywood to play me. The second screen play is about my Grandfather and his boxing gym in Northern Ireland. It is kind of “Michael Collins” meets “Hoosiers”. Both would be two of the dopest movies Hollywood has ever put out. Maybe I will write them once I learn how to actually write a screenplay. Anyone know how to do that sh*t?
15. I find the whirl and clicking of a money counter to be one of the most mellifluous sounds in the world. I am not joking. I really do. I have said it before, and I will say it again, “I am interested in money so one day I won’t have to be interested in money.” Can ya dig it?
16. I have a split personality. And each of my personalities is Bipolar, with an identity crisis. So, like, you know, it can get pretty Maddening being Michael Porfirio Mason. Like J.J. Connnolly has said, “Madness is the darkness in your head, the restless one percent that wants to push strangers under trains. Madness is paranoia made normal. Madness is when the mundane is insane, the insane mundane. Madness is thinking you can predict the future, while sitting in a jailhouse, doing birdlime. Madness is fun for a little while, then gets dark…then darker still. Madness is not to be believed…but is so fuckin convincing.”
17. There are a lot of other things I am sure I could do in my life that would make me rich and famous. However, I don’t want to sacrifice this whole “International Playboy” thing I got going on. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation. It is way too priceless. After all, International Playboys are really at the top of the food chain when you think about it.
18. I have extreme ADD, as witnessed by the frenetic jumping around of topics on The G Manifesto. My ADD seems to be getting worse with age. I actually consider it a strength, although it is enough to drive most men insane.
19. Recently, I have come to terms that I am going to be an International Playboy/ Gentleman of Leisure for life. It is not a choice. It is a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. I have no say in the matter. My life was predicted by a Gypsy. It was written and so it shall be.
20. I hate cell phones. If everyone agreed to turn them in tomorrow and stop using them, I would be first in line. I like pay phones.
21. I like flowers. I really do. One day I may open a flower shop when I am older. However, I am doing it “Dion O’Banion Style”. Although, lately, I am thinking I may open a salon or a massage place or a yoga spot when I get older so I can swoop mad fly girls into my later years. We’ll see.
22. I have friends in jail that I came up with. I have friends who have faded away due to The Mirror, The Razor Blade and The Straw. Not to mention some have fallen due to The Spoon, The Flame and The Spike. And I have good childhood friends that are locked up for being criminally insane. My best friend (who I may add is the CEO of a company half way to a billion a year) and I recently spoke about this. It’s the little decisions in life that make the difference between being lucky and becoming a casualty. Can ya dig it?
23. I first boxed at The Wildcard in Hollywood when I was a kid. Mickey Rourke days. Back then, I used to Base of Operations out of The Three Clubs and chill with that cat with was in that movie Laws of Gravity (great movie by the way). It is not lost on me that this probably reveals my identity. However, anyone that knows me from those days, already knows.
24. I try my hardest not to spend a dime with any big corporations; zero for Starbucks, zero for department stores, zero for big oil, zero for Big Banks, zero for big pharma, zero for…you get the broken picture. I treat big corporations like Pretty Tony once said, “You know, man, all bitches are the same, just like my ho’s. I keep ’em broke–wake up one morning wit some money in their pockets, they subject to go crazy. I keep ’em looking good, fly, and all that, but no dough. When I get a bitch, I got a bitch.”
25. I once swooped 32 girls in 30 days when I was a young pup in Los Angeles. Mostly Hollywood actress types. A got the flu pretty bad afterwards. Could have been the drugs. It’s kind of hard to track exactly.
27. I have been on the receiving end of a few “three on one” beatdowns. Not fun. And I got cracked over the head with a Louisville Slugger when street crews were clashing in High School. I had an out of body experience. I still have the spot where it deformed my skull. Sometimes I let girls touch it. They usually get grossed out.
28. I have been robbed at gunpoint two times. One time by knife point. Charge it to The Game.
29. I am not smart enough to make big time passive income. Not yet anyways. Working on it.
30. I have never seen a Walmart with my own eyes in my whole life. Although, I have been to Carrefour.
31. I have never had a meal at a PF Wangs, Olive Garden (Garbage), or TGI Fridays. And that includes the TGI Fridays in Riga, Latvia too.
34. I have been swooping girls since I was knee high to a kangaroo and although I have had ups and downs in the biz world I have been clocking dough and traveling since I was a kid.
35. I have been becoming more Spiritual with every passing day. I have a lot to be thankful for. I have said before, “My mind is the enigma filled with broken pictures. The spiritual International Playboy can see clearer now.” Like King David said, “I guess my life was pretty extraordinary. In the end, I suppose it all comes back to the whole karma thing. Who knows? If it’s half as real as the Hindus say…I may just get a second chance after all. I wonder, what lies ahead for me on the other side?”
36. I wanted to also say, “thanks” to all the fly females that fed me. Just in case they ever thought, “Did Michael forget me?”
21st Law: Play a Sucker to Catch a Sucker – Seem Dumber than your Mark
No one likes feeling stupider than the next person. The trick, is to make your victims feel smart – and not just smart, but smarter than you are. Once convinced of this, they will never suspect that you may have ulterior motives. – Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power
Many times when I swoop fly girls, I play dumb.
Here are some examples when playing dumb can be real smooth:
1. When you roll up to a nightclub you have on lockdown, say “what up” to the doorman and roll right in, many times girls will say, “Wow, I can’t believe you were able to get us in so quick. Did you see that line?”
You should then respond, “There was a line?”
2. When you are at a fly restaurant that you have on lockdown, and the dope Chef comes out to greet you and your date. Many times the girl will say, “Wow, that was so cool the Chef came out to greet us. He is famous right?”
You should then respond, “Was that the Chef? I thought that was the busboy.”
3. When you flash a ridiculous Bankroll to buy some drinks, the fly girl you are with will say, “Wow, why do you carry so much CASH on you?”
You should then respond, “Really? Is that not normal? I just was at the Del Mar Racetrack earlier today.”
4. When you are in Los Angeles and some famous actor guy comes up and gives you props, the fly girl you are with will say, “How do you know (Insert Weesh Actor Here)?
You should then respond, “He was an actor? I thought he was the waiter.”
5. When you are spitting Game to a fly girl that is really into brands and fashion, and she asks what kind of tie you are wearing and flips it over* to see the E. Marinella, and she says, “Wow, that’s a nice tie.”
You should then respond, “Is that a good brand of ties?”
One of the great things about The Del Mar Racetrack in Summertime is you really get some top tier girls rolling through. I am talking Hollywood Actresses, Models, and Playboy girls (ok, not exactly “top tier”, but you get my point).
Here is a move I use to swoop them:
When you spot a insanely fly girl in The Del Mar Turf Club, chances are, there are going to be other playboys trying to swoop her.
Let them make their move. The Del Mar Racetrack is just as much a Stamina competition as a Game competition.
And since it is a “closed environment” you can bide your time and wait. (This tactic also works at other “closed environments” ie weddings).
However, what I will do, is step in strong make and introduction, and cut out. I spot them from afar and play The Deerhunter.
Then I let the other Playboys blow their bankroll and lose steam.
When the time is right, at approximately the fifth race, I will then make my move again.
Since she already knows who you are, you will seem like a breath of fresh air. I then isolate her and roll around the spot, introducing her to the heavies ie The Shark, Pitino, the cat who runs the show at Flemington Racecourse in Melbourne, Beyer, and other assorted characters.
A cigarette on the balcony, and it is time to close the show. And when you close the show, do it like Sugar Ray Leonard did against Tommy “The Hitman” Hearns:
Essentailly, what you want to do when you swoop The Top Tier Girls at The Del Mar Racetrack is be the “boxer” in the early rounds and change to the “puncher” in the later rounds. Like Sugar Ray. And I am not talking about that crappy band from Orange County either.
Make sense?
Side note on The Del Mar Racetrack:
It is widely accepted that I have been the No.1 Playboy at The Del Mar Racetrack over the last ten years. (Something like The Celtics in the 60’s. I am mildly surprised that Sports Illustrated hasn’t covered this).
Doubt me? Just walk up to whoever you think is the top playboy there and ask him, “Who is the top Playboy at The Del Mar Racetrack?”
Nine times out of ten, the answer you will get is, “Michael Mason, with out a doubt.”
But that is neither here nor there.
However, this summer I will not be making an apperance. I have decided to trade The Del Mar Racetrack for the Topless Beaches of Spain this summer.
I have settled nicely into a routine of waking up late, surfing, chilling with fly 21 year old topless girls, having them cook me a Spanish lunch, swooping and napping.
Decent.
The Down Economy has hurt The Del Mar Racetrack. And I don’t like where they are going with the non-smoking thing either.
Essentially, I am pulling a “Lennox Lewis” and I am surrendering my belt.
This Summer I have been logging in heavy hours at The Del Mar Race Track, hustling, gambling and swooping fly girls. I have even taken to eating lemondrops at the track (and I don’t mean those shots that Strip Club Waitress’ always try to get me to do pro-bono, either), all the while enjoying the beautiful 70 degree weather that coastal Southern California has been offering, while the rest of the country sweats it out.
I have been mostly holding court dayside (pre-track) at Red Tracton’s and nightside (post-track) at L’Auberge Del Mar. I did take time to catch Juan Manuel Marquez cook Juan Diaz in the rematch, like I said he would. Another big win for 70’s babies over 80’s babies. And another decent win for my Custom Suit pocket.
I also saw Zenyatta go 18-0 in what Del Mar Thoroughbred Club CEO, Joe Harper, called, “This is the best day Del Mar has ever had. And thanks to not just Zenyatta, but the style and eloquence of people you see in front of you,” from the relaxing confines of The Del Mar Turf Club.
Now after having The Best Feeling again, its time to plan my next strike. Hope your summer is going well also.
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
http://www.thegmanifesto.com
